Pakistani Matrimony,

walking Downtown i was fortunate enough to pass by the Pakistani Day Parade around Madison Sq Park. As pretty much the only Really White Person there i Felt like I was at a Lashkar-e-Taiba Rally, as there were a lot of radial looking people there. I wanted to fill out an application for the Pakistani dating web site the signers up looked at me puzzled, and when I mentioned I am Jew, they took the form away and said it wasn't for me, The Pakistani hat I bought didn't trick them,  The truth is i wanted the free T-shirt. I think i need a Tan. There were some very exotic looking girls there with out the Ninja outfits....... I enjoyed the"Kiddish" at the shul in Long Island i prayed at this week They of course had Kugel and all those Ashkenazim Salads( The Cole slaw Tzimis. etc...). It's great how the whole shul  stays for the Kiddish, That would seldom ever happen at a Syrian Shul...........The Rabbi from Lubavitcher is making me feel guilty for skipping last month on the donation, Things are a little tight, The Guilt is driving me crazy............

And continuing to play,

  The game .PH was pushing that I call a girl that I am not sure why she would be interested in  meeting up. We met up once before (she did not like me) and  it was also not the best of nights for me, not cause of her,it was a situation i may have put myself in previously*. She's quite religious on the modern Haradeit level, I have no clue what to talk about when i call but it's only drinks so it's no big deal...... I was Playing basketball with my friend AM** at the Reebok Gym, In the first game, In my Mind I was either the second or third  best player on the court, So they matched me up with the 5-5 120 Chinese girl , She didn't score I was able to cheat on defense and i clipped her for 9 points out of our teams 19 - Mainly from put backs and a Three pointer, I posted her up but always kicked it out, just didn't feel right. The Games got better after that......I completely forgot to call back "Juicy Girl" I knew I forgot something.......continuing

*it involves another girl and her cycle
** Poker. Backgammon legend

Playing the game,

I was accused by the SephLink of being non- compliant and unaccommodating to some of the girls I have been offered to go out with. Reluctantly i agreed to call a girl I got 0.0 information about, except the usual great girl, great family, works, down to earth, and not you're typical S girl. As always i prepared for all scenarios with the call and the hot topic of conversation was my good phone with bad service against her bad phone with good service- I always manage to crowbar my Medicated pete* question which is what are you're interests-and of course it's family, hanging out, friends- after 10:49 of ruffled conversation we should be meeting up Tuesday..... Thanks to JD of the beit Hillel org. for the FREE car charger, Ill wait to say the " shehecheyanou " blessing till after Tisha Be Av...........

* a former stern show intern with Tourette's he was trying to pick up a girl and asked her that question- it's a lock for me to ask that everytime i call a new girl..........

"The Samson Option",

No Way - The Samson option of dating, and relationships is when all else fails- beg the girl and threaten u may harm yourself if she leaves you - This option is paralel to the Israeli position during the early stages of the Yom Kippur war.Desperate to Save the destruction of the third temple- Some Say they were Very close to unleashing the Nukes on the enemy, and that became known as the Samson Option- meaning that's when Armageddon kicks in..... So I didn't follow my friends advice with "late girl" she actually sent me back a mercy text "Thanks, can we do drinks instead, working late this week"- I pondered my response, it was like deja vu all over again with the girl that was washing her hair every night for the rest of her life"- "That's cool I understand, another time maybe- I'm free through the rest of 2011 with exception to Tisha Be Av in couple weeks and arbor day in Oct - Just messin for real, I get it -k.e.- G Thanks.  I amuse myself sometimes OK a lot of times........I have gotten 4 emails from on line with the kyrie eleison reference all 4 girls not Jewish.......

The Hail Mary,

 Email option I sent to late girl ("Dinner this week, promise youll have fun, if not at least food will be good" ) didn't yield any miracle finish, but didn't have any bad consequences.  Unlike the Israelis, I was listening to Ambassador Michael Oren talk about the 6 day War and  he refereed to The Israeli Operation Focus of bombing  the Egyptian air bases and planes as the "Hail Mary" Option as they sent out over 200 jets leaving only 8 jets and G-d to watch over the rest of the country, The consequences could have been disastrous, But G-d had other plans for the Jewish Nation.......... I Met up with OP1* girl last night I forgot the actual time of the date if it was 730 or 800, so i got there 720- It was 800, I didn't mind cause the "Black on Black" show was on. I can understand Why PH** likes her so much, there wasn't much chemistry, But no awkwardness either, I can sense she was itching to go, the fact that it was freezing helped also, I wasn't that cold but overplayed it , It was "as usual" nice to meet someone new but no church on Sunday.............

* the girl i got set up with a while ago
**- the Set up lady

When Abraham,

 created the concept of " Hachnasat Orcheiem"-clearly the Rubins took it  to another level. With all due respect to Abraham- There is no way he hosted guests on the caliber the Rubins have, I am considered like a Sunday School teacher compared to some of the people they hosted, and I'm not an easy guest. I do follow the house rules usually ( 4 no's passing gas,salt, double dipping or peeing on the seat). I Suggested that they make a checklist of all the people that they have hosted. As a bonus i also got Dating Tips From Grandma M- " if you want to see a girl again go by her house make believie  like you're reading a book and "accidentally" bump into her, I was thinking about it, it maybe be borderline stalking. I recommend you go to Danmiz.com for an interesting article on girls from the greater Sephardi community, The Author is anonymous and goes under the title "Deep Throat"...............

The Taliban Shul,

Were short one person for a Minyan for Minha, Arbit Sunday, I was walking about 10 feet behind  two guys with black kippot  who were approached by the "Rabbi" and asked to help join the minyan, they said they were in a rush. I  was not in a rush and interjected and said I can go, Even though i just prayed. The "Rabbi " Motioned with his hand towards me and said NO, NO, not you .I was wearing shorts, and had My Kippa on still, to my credit i just walked away and didn't say anything, I don't know if one of the two other guys stayed............A Record breaking day for,  I drank 22 bottles of the 16.9 oz water bottles and thus far peed an unprecedented 14 times so far, that's 14 extra "Asher Yatzar " Blessings.................

My Screename,

is Kyrie eleison on the new site i just joined and it has created a little mess, as I am getting some emails from girls that think I am Christian, it's all in fun though.......I spoke to "Juicy" girl she didn't seem to excited about the prospects of me calling her, but what the hell - we may meet up next week, she mentioned she was very busy and had a lot on her plate(no levity intended).......Thanks to all the FB pictures of Peoples car odometers that show the weather, I didn't realize it how hot it was.......I spoke to OP1 Girl today, she was very conciliatory and sounded super nice when she  asked if we can reschedule out Date from tonight to tomorrow night-I guess she doesn't need a lot of time to pack, cause shes going away for a short while, I said for sure why not.............. Simple Text "Dinner this week???, Promise you'll have fun".... Is my text to Late girl, I think its time to cut the usual crap of hey, hows it going, I hope you're great blablabla...........

When there is a slow.

   and bad Hazzan  in Shul in the morning i generally take precaution for the rest of the day and see it as kind of like a bad sign, it is well known that when the Vikings used to embark on a journey and came across a Walrus they turned back and waited for the next day, So basically a Bad Hazzan= A Walrus....... 65 years to The King David hotel Bombing. The Operation came as a result of the Brutal British Operation Agatha. it  Still invokes a lot of emotions as wheather  The IZL and Menachem Begin were Justified in Bombing the Southern wing which housed the British Military HQ. Begin lamented the unfortunate loss of 91 lives and made sure that warnings were issued to evacuate-Sir John "I am here to give orders to the Jews, not to take orders from them."' Shaw refused to heed the warning and evacuate. It was a little bit hard for me to explain it to my 8 year old niece, but when she gets a little older she'll understand............................

The "Busy",

Theory is no Myth. Late girl, decided to text back ""hey hope u r well sorry i didn't get back to you sooner this is a busy week for me to meet lets chat next week"- This reminds me of the girl that was washing her hair every day for the rest of her life. I replied "Thanks - its cool don't worry- have a great rest of week"- In Short "Kishmen touchis aran". which translates kiss my touchis and run. I am amazed that i have the ability to make girls Busy. Of course I'll text her next week........I like  the girls that always say they don't care about Money- cause what that really means is that they Do care about Money.........Breaking news a friend of mine out of nowhere decided to set me up with a girl she described as "Juicy", She's not from the US so I think she meant Curvy, I said yes.....

Short memory,

 more dating advice (not from utep) Just as in sports the same concept, if you missed some free throws, made an error, or dropped the pass, forgot about it as is the case in dating ,had a bad date a girl hates you're guts, or doesn't call back - forget about it and move on.........  WHATS WORSE spending 6k on hair surgery with the results not 100% or building a 15k basketball court and being a horrendous player?.......  Do you think Telemarketers ever get offended, I guess there like the guys that ask for sex from every girl until one agrees........The CUFI( Christians united for Israel) conference in Washington DC, Special. The Message -"Israel Today, Israel Tomorrow, Israel Forever "...... ( if you get a chance its really amazing to see)...Thank You Pastor John Hagee.

Dog Years?,

But were not dogs. Trying to rationalize the age difference between a girl and a guy that me and PH are trying to set up- The girl was alarmed by the difference-" try to imagine ourselves as dogs" - He would only be 2.5 years older than you, I don't think its working..........OP1 Girl Called me back, after a 13 minute conversation, a lot of it was used to discuss the horrible AT-T service, We should be meeting up Sunday, She did sound real nice............I wish someone would invent a Device that allows you to Exercise while you sleep.........Wouldn't it be logical  for Jews Marking the fast all over the world to end the fast at the same time wherever they are, I have 7 different times when the fast ends,clearly I'm going to go with the earliest one........2 Years ago I went out with a girl after the 17th of Tammuz fast - she didn't invite up, cause her brother had to pick up an air conditioner from her it was after midnight................

UTEP STYE,

advice don't call another girl, if you are in the process of going out with someone else, even if it's for the first time, That way you give it a chance...........I've been playing phone tag with OP1Girl - i am one up on her Three-to Two so it's her turn to call me back.......... Looks like it's over with the girl from last week- In Brief i called her expecting to leave a message she surprised me by picking up- I was only prepared to leave a message and not to talk to her but we spoke for a couple minutes, I texted her back asking her out - she replied thanks for the "invite"- I waited a couple days to Text her again only to never be heard from again- another "Rain Check "...............I am really starting to hate getting ripped off, I need a new car charger, The person that ripped me off for my phone cover, ripped me off again for the charger, I understand he has rent and expenses, But i always hooked him up with Blades and other products so for an item i can get for .50- $1.00- don't charge me $15 and tell me not to worry about it. After the product is marked $24 and 99......

Attention Attention,*

As of Aug 15th I will not be attending or going anywhere for the weekend, day,event, function or any other sort of Activity outside a 15 mile radius from NYC-  There is just absolutely too much traffic and i cant deal with it -So with Peace and love,Peace and Love Please no more invitations after the 15th they will all be refused, So Once again I urge you Please Do Not waste you're Phone calls, and Invitations cause they will be all tossed out -  Thank You Thank  You -Peace and Love Peace and Love.........( This really only applies to my family and there non readers )

* Ringo Starr

The Annual,

Pilgrimage to the Holy city of Deal, was this weekend.  Aside from Walking a lot, Eating a lot, and lecturing my Nephew about proper Toilet Etiquette nothing really eventful happened. My lessons That I learned from Howard about the toilet I conveyed to my nephew-the most important being the courtesy flush, and spraying between flushes, then of course baby wipes. The Boardwalk is pretty amazing there with tuns of girls Generally i don't look at the girls when there with there boyfriends, as i don't want to get beat up, but my brother was with me so i had no fear if anyone started with us ... I saw EE and his new Basketball court, very impressive, I recommend everyone who loves basketball to go play there. He wouldn't tell me where he got his very pink shirt from though....... It was nice to see some of my family, although the only thing i hate is that i feel like they feel like they have to entertain me and I hate putting that kind of pressure on them . I hung out with a friend sat night, and probably would have left , But with Gratitude to Hashem i had a great ride home Sunday morning. Till Next Year..... If I forget ohh.....

Bike Raks,

  in shul on Shabbat?  I'll be crossing the other Mason- Dixon Line for the first time all summer, and that was the most amusing thing i found when i was there last year. I am not very religious, but c'mon to ride you're bike to Shul on Shabbat ???? I know I know so the other side will say "you rather people not go" ? No they should walk it's called RESPEK.....Congratulations to Reader and a former player of mine JD on his engagement - I was really sorry to miss his engagement party, I generally for the most part don't go to anything- I maybe slightly anti-social but I  really would have gone but not for prior plans. JD is the type of kid who would jump on the grenade to save his team  - and  I do wish him and his future bride a lot of Happiness and Success.......  OP1 girl called me back last night left a short a message.......... I'm glad that all the fun FB Posts are back  from all the people that were crying, devastated and couldn't from the Tragic murder this week......

The 12:48

, Second wait was well worth it, I finally got to meet the girl from Online that postponed on me Sunday. Firstly I Violated the "NSA" Policy, after she didn't get back to me, figuring I have nothing to lose. We made up to meet up last night at 800, I didn't text to confirm, cause i didn't want her to cancel again, but at around 700 she texted me " How are you" - "Holy Crap Shes going to cancel" - I just replied pretty good, Then i asked her if everything was good for tonight she said yes but pushed me off half hour. I got there early and ran into someone I knew, he said he was getting a" massage"- but was only messing around. She apologized for being a little late looked great ,Dressed really nice, I told her our table reservation ran out, but we found a much more better place to sit. It was a  JJN* style date. I may have spoken a little too much, and I know i said "you know what I'm saying " a lot more times than I probably should have- Sorry I was a little Nervous- I hope she didn't notice, She didn't want a ride home so I walked her about 35% of the way home, i think I would have the whole way, ( free exercise, plus bonus time w/ her) but didn't want to come off as pushy. She texted me That she got home safe. Church on Sunday hmmmmm?

* Just drinks-

The Mitzvah,

I made at a club was That  i was trying to hook up a friend, with a girl I knew who was staying with me from out of town, I may have been an enabler in buying her drinks, But as it turned out , My friend left with out getting any and she wound u making out with at least three guys, before i had to drag her out of there, what followed after is for another post................My Landlord on why he doesn't like to hire Syrians " Zey Eat Shechtat Bet Yosef Meat, I like the people who eat Hanzir(pork)............ From an April 29th post  Why would a girl with a "Stunning body, pretty, The nicest girl in the world " possibly consider to go out with me? To be continued on the answer. This may be back in the works But, But, But there isn't an answer yet............. I called OP1* girl , and left her a message, I'm not really worried whether she calls me back or not. I know someone who gets very sensitive when girls don't call him back.................


*opportunity #1 girl

I, I, I,

   Me, Me, Me, sounds like President Obama's Speech's  - as mentioned in prior posts it bothers me, when people take a tragedy and make it about themselves. With the recent Tragedy of the 9 year old Boy from Borough Park - all I am reading in posts is how " I am Hysterical, I can't stop crying, I'm Sick etc......, and then the same follow up comments, " are u ok " or  " me to "- Anyone That sad and in so much pain wouldn't be posting on FB or Twitter or whatever- i am not insensitive to the tragedy and mourn with all Am Ysrael but please  Stop Making it about Yourselves........

Situations,

  in correspondence with a girl on line for a short while and then she Just stopped writing me back, I of course firmly sticking to my  NSA*or NNWT*  Policy just let it go. She Just emailed me today that her father had passed away. I am usually a "there there kind of guy" as I am not good at situations but  here is how i responded and I'm not sure if I did it right :Hi D- It's OK - I am really sorry to hear that about you're dad, I hope that you and you're family are  doing OK I'm sure you're going through a hard time - I guess it takes a little while to get back into the regularities - Life is definitely strange sometimes- My condolences again Baruch dayan ha Emet- Speak too u soon- ke. G......... I decided to go with Non Opportunity- opportunity #1- The girl is supposedly expecting my call and again was not under duress when she agreed, MH**  has been good to me, so who knows..........

*non suck a$$ or Not negotiating with terrorists
** A lady that sets up people -

Stuck In Traffic

     on the Belt "Gehenom" Pkwy, while the Thrilling Penalty Kick shoot-out victory of Team USA in the world cup is on, brought back horrid memories of me missing one of the greatest NCAA Basketball games of all time- this was actually better at least i was in traffic rather than eating some crappy sushi food with my ex girlfriend. A slight irritation about some  women soccer player Why do some of the girls get that croppy short hair cut?........It's been fifteen years since me and DM went to ABCD basketball camp In Teanack NJ. We met a lot of great Basketball coaches, My favorites were the Dean- Dean Smith  who was super classy and nice,  and John Thompson who when i went to shake his hand and take a picture said to me "you know I don't like no white people",Larry Major a good friend, who coached at Paul Robeson and had sent a couple of his players to Georgetown got me in trouble with him after i told him his players shouldn't go there( i was right by the way) Amongst other coaches we met  "Show me The " Lute Olson, Jim Boehiem. Jim Callahoun, Bobby Cremins, Rick Majerus, Billy Tubbs and Tubby Smith. For the record Mike Kyrsekywsi was a Douche

The War rages on,

My whole Life, I have been fighting food, and every day i wake up trying to figure out how to beat food, the unnecessary snack, the times when i eat around the refrigerator and think it doesn't count - I was thinking electric shock Therapy- but that's probably the equivalent of using Nukes in a real war...........My Neighbor the King of Clubs, promised to take me clubbing again - last time he said i missed out on "Five Gees".... I went to the Russian club a couple times with my Friend Kukuc*- who used to work at the Nautilus room in the center, the plan was to introduce me as a rich relative of his and he would get the girls -( I don't know how the hell to pick up girls in English, how the hell can i do it in Russian). We get there at 1200 and every hour, he keeps telling me it's too early for the girls, I gave up once at 300 and once at 400, The next day he calls me yelling that right after I left he picked up two girls and they were looking for me and.........I once made a Mitzvah for someone at a club once, the Mitzvah didn't happen but i get credit for trying...............

* kukuc is a Russian  kafkaze guy who used to scam me in the gym when he used to help me out, he wears shirts that are a couple sizes to small for him also when we went to the clubs

My father,

 is 60 miles away and I am still scared not to go to shul. It was pouring Friday night, and as u can tell I am not too religious, so skipping shul didn't seem outrageous, but i went and got soaked.......... A guy that used to work for me and went back to Turkey Emailed me the other day- "I saw u the other day in my dream. U were commiting suicide. U OK man"- I found it funny and replied  "SAAALLAM WAAALAKIM U RACHMAT ASOO U BERACHAT - I AM WRITING THIS EMAIL FROM HEAVEN MASHALLA MASHALLA GOOD WEATHER ALLAH GIVES US AIRCONDITIONG UP HERE - AND I GOT MY 72 VIRIGINS BIG BEREAST - THEY HAVE IPHONE 10 HERE AND SOON WERE GETTING THE IPHONE11 - I SAW YOURE FRIEND IMAM HAKAN ERBACKAN HE HAS EXTRA VIRIGINS MASHALLA MASHALLA -ALLAH ASKED ME TO ASK U WHEN U GOING FOR HAJII AND GONNA BECOME INSANELY RADICAL - HOW COME U DIDNT GO WITH IHH ON FLOTILLA TO TEL AVIV - AND ALSO THERE IS A BIG VIDEO ROOM HERE SO WE SEE WHEN U EATING IN THE BASEMENET  ON RAMAZAN KAREEM SO BE CAREFUL ALLAH SEES EVERYTHING MAN "....... My life insurance agent if she were a reader wouldn't find this Post amusing...............

MAYBE,

in the dating world is almost a certainty to mean NO. A girl on line made contact with me this week,She has big brains. We spoke for about 12 minutes and set up to meet Sunday. I texted her to confirm and here's the response- "I cant meet tom nite MAYBE one day next week" - i replied that be great let me know whatever works best for you. Here response - No Response......In Sticking to my not to be a "Sucka$$" Policy - I doubt Ill hear from her again, cause I'm not texting  her ........ To My readers I kept this under warps, against my Blog Transparency laws, Cause I was worried about "Jinxing" this date, Worked out well..........Regarding the other potential- Non potential opportunities, the ignore it and keep away strategy is working for now.............

Damned if I do,

Damned if I don't..... Here is the dilemma. I have gotten some potential opportunities but i don't see think they can materialize into anything - So rejecting them seems like the right play, However does that mean that because I say No, then people wont think I'm serious?. I am playing keep away for now, and wait to be confronted, Seems that that's what i do best......In basketball News I out shot the self proclaimed greatest shooter* in the Syrian community Regular 3 point shots v NBA 3 point shots 12- 20 against 8-20. Of course he claimed i cheated,( cause i shot from the same spot) and he wasn't warmed up even though he was there at least 20 minutes before me- The question now is will I collect my free Supper........My Quest to learn Arabic has started - A Shami Guy that i deal with taught me a couple of phrases, to make sure they were legitimate and clean I repeated them to his daughter who confirmed that they were clean phrases.............

*mark Booey" gindi

Misunderstandings?

 I posted a status on FB that didn't reflect my own personal sentiment, that i got a couple of emails asking if i was OK.  It was the Theme maybe of a Documentary on the Israeli Expulsion of their Southern citizens.......
                                                                                                                             
יְהוָה, שִׁמְעָה תְפִלָּתִי;
 וְשַׁוְעָתִי, אֵלֶיךָ תָבוֹא אַל-תַּסְתֵּר פָּנֶיךָ, מִמֶּנִּי-- בְּיוֹם צַר-לִי                                                                                                                 

            Rain check with Elle is a Rain out no make up date. I don't think I do too well with Older woman my last 4 older woman dates I'm 2 out of 4 an unimpressive 50% clip for all math major readers....... My Hunch about winning the "Haredy Raffle " 12k Was just a Hunch, I don't think I'm going to participate anymore since it's not one of my causes........ PH the lady that has set me up before suggested a new girl, She said OK to me already- I asked if she was under Duress when she was asked that ? I'm not sure Weather* ill call her or not...... Open Invitation basketball in Deal NJ at EE Home, he build a brilliant new state of the art  court,  I haven't made it to deal yet this summer but sent the E's a gift of a brand new basketball and First Aid kit. EE is known for his Jean Shorts and his way unorthodox basketball style, that is not recommended to try at home........E on the open invitation:-Iwananame:  u better come play so i can flagrantly foul you and splatter your blood over my new court

* I know it spelled wrong
 

The "Ohel"

As it's known to many is the Burial site of the late Lubabvitch Rebbe Menachem Scheenerson. Thanks to a Friend of a friend whom became My friend, I have gone to pray there a few times. It's located Somewhere Near JFK airport and is open 24-7 where upon people come to Pray at the Rebbe's Site. She asked me about a month ago, to go and I always had it in my mind, but kept pushing it off (guilty conscience sucks ) I decided today would be a good day, I picked her up from Borough park, and  with her and an Unexpected Guest, A Sweaty, Hard of Hearing, Nosy, Nutty, Obnoxious, old Israeli  Ultra Orthodox woman. We immediately clicked - I kept shouting I'm Haradey- she had that annoying accented "huh" Then she laughed  and made fun of me in Hebrew. The Best was when she complained about the car  temperature.... We all got to the Ohel  I read the Psalms of the day - and prayed for some people, I didn't throw in a note in though. The ladies also said there prayers and were appreciative- The lady suggested Me and my Friend "April" get married - the reaction was a mutual Ha - She did Invite me to "Bnie Brak" the next time I'm In Israel; My new friend.............

"You work for a Non Profit "

That's so nice Which organisation ----- Hmmm Gideon's Drugs  she never heard of it, but didn't know that i worked in the non profit business involuntarily, This was a random girl I was speaking to online - I don't think she liked the Joke, cause she Suddenly had to go........ Operation Thunderbolt -35 years to the Spectacular Israeli Raid at Entebbe. As more of the Archives get opened there is always more controversy as to whom did what and what went right or wrong in the Operation........... I prayed at my old shul with my "Summer Friends " I was happy to see some of the notables look alike  that i missed out on the whole year, The main one being Mahamood Abbas .............

Dinner With

     The Rubins, is like eating at a five star restaurant with amazing ambiance, due to unmitigated circumstances i had to leave early Friday night.......I bought two Pair of shorts Today from the  "Expensive Calculator clothing Store*"'- The way I rationalize it about half the money i spend goes to the advice the girl  gave me on what to buy and half towards the shorts, still cheaper than me going  myself....... Pretty girls become less attractive once they start talking about there babies or kids.......... Rain-Check with "Elle" ? - maybe next week I wouldn't bet on it though........My Head still feels like a beat up baseball, even after taking out the stitches from the back .....Once again i Suspended my Online Account- I used to think nothing bad can happen from it - but now looking back, A lot of  not so good things happened-  ironically I spoke to the Girl that Suggested I join this week and Even She made fun of me.......


*The girl uses the calculator trick to show me how much $ i save-