Trick Or Gas X ?

       I have done some moronic things in life, But giving kids Gas X for Halloween may be the worse. I was picking up Money and a return from a customer on the Upper West Side, a couple kids thinking i was holding candy ( Gas X boxes look like candy) asked me for it, and with out flinching I just gave them one each. I spoke to a Pharmacist to make sure it wasn't dangerous. The last Halloween that i remember participating in was when i was at Gideon's and a group of inner city youth raided the store taking chewing gum,cough drops and travel size medicine for trick and treat, They called us racialists after we threw them out ....... Blessed be that Exonerated from this one's sins, My Old  has Haunted me for almost 3 years,  after not only overpaying for the car and purchasing over 40,000 miles at .16 clip I coughed up another $1300 in mafia wear and tear fees, I am pretty sure I am done with it...............Baruch Dayan Ha Emet Rav Benny Eisner an Ardent Zionist and Rabbi at B''MT has passed away - I Always felt bad no appreciating him enough and  being a goof in his classes........Mix up girl Called me back on Sunday after about a week- on a scale from 1-10 of how bad is it if i don't call her back "PH" said 10......................

In Sports,

 When marking a milestone, what they do is they have a corner in the stadium where the fans would either add a K for a Strikeout or Games Played Checklist like they did For Cal Ripken. In Israel they also have a K  corner ( nor like Ralph Kiner's ) marking how many Kassam rockets have been fired since the Gaza Retreat of the Summer of 2005........... I am getting a little sick of someone whose name rhymes with frumster texting me everyday $101 for his charity and then Sirius? to use my account as Truck would say Enough Enough........Hopefully the readers would side with me when I ask is it being disloyal for praying at the same shul where the Rabbi is preventing a good friend of mine to coach at a school hes an administrator at. I hope my friend doesn't decide to pray bad for me if i do, last time he prayed bad for me I cut my Eye, got stiffed by a customer, and had a flat tire with in 3 days..............

Sour Grapels.......

   Benjamin "isiah Thomas" Nothinyahou, pulled off another Blockbuster sending 25 Egyptian ( don't be fooled by the there non- security related offenses Half of them were) Prisoners, Promises By America to Give F-16 Jets to the Stable and Future Islamic Republic of Egypt, and Future considerations  in Exchange for the Leftist Adventure Seeking, trouble making  American- Israeli Ilan Grapel. He was Quoted as " loving Arabic Culture" -  People Love Hookers, but that is mean they will screw them with out a bag, Meanwhile  the only people that got screwed were the Israelis who not only capitulated again, also  spent Millions in Tax payer money to free this Bum. Not to sound mean, but too bad he only got wounded in Lebanon and not.............

I would like to Apologize,

to Anukkah and to  anyone for causing them any hurt, harm, or injustice with a spam Email that was sent by from my account that potentially had a virus. I got a lot of Emails and calls from people telling them I spammed them, The Hardest one by far was from my Father, took a while to explain to him what had happened. This Spam Email Reached Thousands of contacts, all amassed from the first days I got AOL, as i was unaware that every Email i sent, was put into my address book, Most people were understanding and i got a bunch of who the hell is this Emails,of course it had to be from girls that i either went out with once, or was in contact with in 1999. I agree it is a little bit difficult to explain Emails like SexyBrownThang@yahoo.com - but i am sure it's got to be good. The Reps from Aol- Bangladesh or Sri- lanka assured me that once i change my Password it wont happen again...............

No Runs, No Hits,

No Errors, No prospects and no Problems. Since Quitting  the Online Dating site, (I know again), The Seven years of Dating Famine are back. The last I left off was with the text from "AI" girl telling me she's not feeling very well, luckily i know how to read through the lines on what that means......... Pretty Amusing  in Gaza The new Fashion is the "Shalit" Shirt the same one he was wearing when he was released. Price NIS 60  around $15........While playing Basketball Sunday night It felt like someone beaned or Kicked my Calf, The Kids that i was playing with, made fun of me that I couldn't play, and it's to the point where I am walking like an old man, It's amazing how we take the simplest things in life for granted..........The set up lady( PH) texted me to find out if i called back " MixUp" Girl, I told her she texted me shell get back to me, but has not - her advise "if She contacts u go out, but if not u can leave it "- I have my fingers crossed, not saying which way............

Blessed Be The Redemeer............

        The SimachatTorah Spectacle passed with out  incident, and therefore the "Redeemer blessing" does not  need to be said this year.......... Me and my Dad are Suing the  B.Y. Shul, for age discrimination . in their Father- Son Minyan. No where in the minyan charter is there an age limit...... A headline in an Arab publication The lynching of Muammar Gaddafi at the hands of Crypto Jewish Mistrata tribe rebels. ..........  The Death of Ghaddafi has hit Prostitution rings in Europe and primarily in Italy like a Tsunami. Ghaddafi Known  for his generosity with hookers,Lavishing  them with Money,Gifts, and of course the Holy Koran- (to this day there is NOT one case of any Hookers converting to Isalm) has sent prices way down in tricks turning business.Will his family carry on the tradition of handing out the annual "Ghaddafi Human Rights award " , maybe good friend Nation of Islam leader will provide a scholarship fund in his memory........With all the Unrest in the Middle East Rumors of a Coup at the Ahiezer synagogue have been proven false.  Despite some rumblings The Shul which has become primarily Shami, are content with  the ruling Masalaton Dynasty.....  After already spending $800 on car maintenance BMW  hit me with a $2231.00 bill after i turned it in, That's slightly less than my dating budget thus far  in 2011. Perhaps punishment for dealing with a German car?.......

A Very Unpopular,

 opinion I had regarding the Israeli- Hamas Exchange, amongest  My Family and some of my Israeli Friends.   I disagreed with the trade , but when it became inevitable, I didn't think this was cause for celebration. As written before on my last trip to Israel or Palestine whatever the hell you want to call it, I should've known something was up when the "Shalit Tent" disassociated itself from fellow missing Israeli navigator Ron Arad, Shalit was featured on stickers, T- shirts and bulletin boards with Arad and suddenly they removed Arad, whose still missing along with 3 others from the first Lebanon War. Correct me if i am wrong but doesnt  Israel also have an Obligation to Arad and the 3 missing Soldiers from 82 in the Battle of Sultan Yacoub.Here are some Rejected FB Status over the course of the deal 
     1. Shas and the Haradiem don't need to worry about Hamas threat of  Kidnapping soldiers   none of them serve in the Army
 2. Menachem Begins biggest mistake wasn't retreating from Sinai But giving Nothinyahou his  first Job in politics
 3. There Blood screams but there voices will not be heard
 4. How much did BiBi Pay Shas for Harav Ovadia endorsement on the deal
 5. The Shalit deal vindicates the Vikings For Hershcal walker being worse trade ever
 6.  The Price of Israeli Soldiers currency over the last 25 years increased 3 fold   383.3 for 1  now 1027 for 1

Thanks for Nothinyahou..........

   In a Lose- Lose Situation the Israelis decided to Lose big time. I am Happy for the Shalit Family, But sad for Am Ysrael. Next on the Israeli Agenda is an Apology to Turkey, Lift the Gaza Blockade, Stop Building in Jerusalem and Divide it, and then clear up Judeah and Samaria. Then and only Then the world will love you........Who the hell Choreographed the Lulav and Etrog Dance during Hallel?. I boycotted the singing of kedusha today in shul, it was in the Hatikva Tune......Did Shimon Heres opps Peres Sign all 1027 Pardons? The Rights's had a special Prayer hoping his Hand would fall off...... Another Thing that Bothers is Why The Hell are all the Arab's in Jail FAT- Gilad Shalit got out of captivity he looked emaciated, these Arabs each one is fatter than the next- Good Job Israel Prison Services......I am happy to See Civil War averted in BY Shul over the merging of the First and Main Minyan for SimchatTorah...... I Promised PH I would call the Girl there was a mix-up with but still haven't- She insists shes expecting my call I don't really believe her......Last thing on this horrific exchange NOT ONE ARAB condemned the release of the terrorists released today- can you Imagine Shalom Achashav Having a rally for Someone Like Baruch Goldstien or Ami Popper ?..........Why the hell did the Israelis Hire Isiah?..........

Code Red,?

With anticipation of violence and Riots in synagogues across the greater Sephardic community area for the SimchatTorah celebrations Thursday Shuls have gone on high alert by hiring thousands of extra security personal both uniformed and undercover to deal with and violence and candy bag scofflaws. The NYPD has also been alerted as well as some elements of the Natl Guard can be called up to quell potential violence. A Spokesman for one of the synagogues said "We have devised several systems and back up systems to prepare for every scenario, we have several crowd dispersal methods and have stocked up on anti- riot non lethal equipment, and further more despite the recession we have approx 100-150  extra bags". A moment of silence will be held for all the victims of the past Simchat Torah Wars, The Rabbi profoundly in King David Eulogizing Saul Fashion said of the martyrs " Ha Tzvi Ysrael al Bamotech Chalal Ech Nafloo Geborim "....(Your glory, O Israel, lies slain upon your high places! How the mighty have fallen). There shouldn't be any rush to judgement as to whom the main perpetrators to the violence as in the past the Shammis (Damascus) have been unjustifiably singled out. My Simchat Torah Suggestion  is to eliminate the candy  and give out Celery sticks, carrots and apples instead.  It would not only cut costs, But it's healthy and would reduce traffic and violence by at least 80%.................

one of my favorite,

 Things is when i am talking to a girl on line for a short while than have  her check me out on FB, and suddenly i get that "it's getting really late or that she has an emergency". It  doesn't really bother me cause i know that eventually that's not how I am going to get girls, but I use the online world as an additional outlet so my expectations are slim to none...........After 100 days of the Hair surgery I am almost at a point of calling the operation a failure, I knew I should have chosen the option of being with Ashley Dupree for the night for that kind of Money. Alkoa*I did not make the right call................This Holiday is a critical battle on the war on Food. I try to avoid going anywhere as i know my stomach would take a pounding, The Time has come to bring peace to my stomach a stomach that has not tasted  not even one day of peace from the Fulfillment of the prophecy of Returning to Zion........ I have been Emailing with a lot of Girls from Israel just seems like i have more in common with them, plus the potential cheesy lines can work- here is an example of one email   - i think you're extraordinarily pretty to a point where in our religion u make a beracha when seeing something that beautiful - i know that sounds like a tacky cheesy line - but I wouldn't use that like that. K.E........ so far the plan is a failure......

* aloka was a company that had commericals with the Slogan - " you make the call" in the 80's

LulavGate..........

     There are two ways you can look at the way the Lulav and Etrog Business is being conducted. From the Vendor stand point He See's people driving fancy cars and wearing designer clothing and then haggling over a Mitzvah for 10 or 20  dollars. The Buyer's Point is He doesn't want to get ripped off no matter How expensive the car. I was always curios what the mark up on the Lulav is ?........ I Delayed purchasing the set figuring just as in Event Tickets  the closer to the holiday the cheaper the price would be. Instead I got Robbed I paid $50 for a Set that looks like my A$$. It almost made me feel as bad as getting a parking Ticket, I hate when people Hijack a Religion to Justify the cost of Something as the vendor did  it's for a Mitzvah- When people used to Buy Viagra from me I never told them it's a price they had to pay to get laid cause either insurance didn't cover it  or the company would raise the prices to counter there non profitable drugs. It Sucked even more when I saw people in shul bragging how they paid $25 or $32 and even had it delivered to their homes. It is Not Cheap to be a JEW..................

BIBI Read Your'e Own Book........

 "Fighting Terrorism" My A$$.........The Gilad Shalit Swap was almost overwhelmingly approved by Israeli cabinet  26-3- with Boogie, Uzi Landau and Lieberman voting against. With claims that the window of opportunity to free Shalit were closing the Israelis succumbed and gave in Hamas Demands. As We all know that these "Swaps" have turned out to work out disastrously with The "Jibril agreement" in the 80s and the criminal trade to Free Druggie Loser Elchanan Tanenabaum in 04 amongst others. I Hope that no one else will die from these Deals, But unfortunately History is not on the Israelis side. Not only are these Killers un remorseful but are proud of what they have done and will try to kill again. There is no difference between woman, children, elderly, soldier or civilian as there argument is everyone will eventually be a soldier.... Sadly this is the realty. Terror has to be dealt with the way Author Netanyahou Deals with it, not the way PM Netnayahou deals with it. Munich Massacre organizer Abu- Dahoud on his death bed said " I am to old to Fight the Israelis, but my grandson will , and his grandson will"....

The Mohel,

is a woman, My Parents Rena and Shemuel were invited to a relatives Bris, When My father found out the Mohel Was a woman he Boycotted, But Rena decided to go, She lucked out that the Mother Decided to dis invite everyone after possibly going through post birth stress syndrome or something like that. It Turns out that Rena found out that there was actually a Female Mohel in the Torah her name Tziporah....... I Texted AI( austrisrlian) girl to find out if she wanted to meet up sometime in the beginning of the week, cause i wont be able to go out for Sukkot. She texted me back couple hours later- "not feeling to well right now, hopefully I'll be better tomorrow" I remember the last time a girl told me she didn't feel well, how that turned out. i didn't answer and will either wait for Mashiach or for her to get back to me whichever comes first... The Taliban Shul stopped me cause they needed a minyan for Minha/ Arbit, I asked the Rabbi are you sure it's OK cause last time i wasn't Jewish enough, He Said it was because I was wearing shorts, fair argument. Fearing the Radicals in the shul  I didn't look at my cell phone once over the course of the prayers............

Happy Anniversary......The First Entry.........

The four Noes..........

                 Back in Sept of 1967 The Arab league convened in Khartoum, Sudan coming up with a resolution regarding Israel know as the "The Three Noes"- No recognition, No Negotiation, No Peace --- Fast forward to 2010 in a completely unrelated concept  Manners specialist Norm Rubin - Incorporated what has become know as the " Four Noes" regarding table manners in his home something that I believe needs to be adopted in many households - The Noes consist of No passing Salt ( a superstition) No Passing bread( from hand to hand its a sign of how a pauper accepts bread) No Passing Gas- ( This is debatable as to if its silent or loud) but the reference is to all gas - and No Double Dipping - Perhaps the most important of the Noes -

My Biggest Fear for

 Yom Kippur is Supposed to be G0d, But mine is  to have to go to the bathroom. Five years ago as  the prayers were starting i had to go, Living too far to go home, I went in Shul it was horrible, i did use Soap and Water a lot more than is allowed, and for the record had a crappy year..... Yom Kippur To My knowledge is the only Jewish Holiday that is preceded by the word Yom or day. My point is that the Shammys were right after all my using the word Yom before every holiday i.e Yom Shabbat - Yom Shabout- Yom Pesach etc..... Beetle Juice Beetle Juice Beetle juice is the equivalent to someone asking forgiveness three times in a row, that you have to accept the apology. That rule is a crock........I asked if it was permitted to wear white gym Socks with my Suit and Kippur Sneakers? or is it not fashionably accepted...... Stat of the Holiday- Menachem Begin's Father insisted they Brush there Teeth on Kippur, but make sure to rinse out the water.........The Final grade for My Kippur would be a F around 55 - I couldn't help make fun of  "Crazy Joe Devola" sitting in front of me, Herman Munster again, "Azoori" the Combo of Fred Flinstone and Urkel, Ric Flair look alike ( That was DM).. Please make it quick and painless G0D...........

VE HA EER SHUSHAN

NAVOCHA.......Following the Yankees Embarrassing loss to the Tigers  The Wall Street Protesters started moving up their protest to The Bronx. The Yankees Especially A- Rod are making insane amounts of Money, and they not only don't produce, but don't play hard either; Criminals. For the Third Straight year My friend AM invited me a Yankee playoff game. I am 1- 2 in those games. At the Game yesterday, I wanted to be a little obnoxious and stop  random people with Yankee Shirts asking them where are seats  and other information to annoy them, but then realized I am 38 freaking years old....... With the games televised and all the Technology, I still don't understand why Teams need to send Scouts to chart pitches, When they can watch the game at home. They can't see the game clearly, Everyone keeps standing up. Not for me to Understand..........

Out of the Four things

I was supposed to do this week - A. Call Back the Girl I had the Mix Up with PH about  B. Call agent from the Sephlink that wanted to Screen me for a girl she was trying to set me up with  C. Call the Religious girl from Monsey that my Persian convert is setting me up with -D. Go out  with Austrisrialian Girl. I only did choice D. We met up last night argued about Bibi and the protesters a little and had a little bit of a serious conversation about relationship she made it pretty clear that she is "busy" but wanted to see me again, She was comfortable but just things take time, No pressures from my end........Did you Know Steve Jobs Birth dad was a Shami....... Stupid Seinfeld Humor ---If there are Hispanics named Ivan and Vladamir, How come there are no Russians named Jose or Jorge?........ News- Haaretz newspaper Reports Settlers burn Down Arab Olive groves. Arutz Sheva reports Arabs Burn down Settlers Olive groves, Whose lying?...... 

On Rosh Hashana,

it is written and on the day of the fast of Kippur it is sealed...Who shall live and who shall die...who by water and who by fire, who by the sword....(Yom Kippur prayer book). Thirty Eight years to the Yom Kippur war.The Syrians and Egyptians Attempted to Destroy The Jewish state, and although having Success early on, The Israelis rebounded to have their Tanks on there way to Damascus and Cairo. The "Brave and great " people of Egypt still think they won the war, they may have covered the spread, But we all know how the war ended With there whole Third Army Surrounded, and begging like dogs to be taken prisoner so they can eat and drink. A heavy price was paid, almost 2700 dead, an unacceptable figure. After getting Bashed by The Agranat Commission. It was nice to Read that Chief of Staff  David "Dado" Elazar was Vindicated, and credited for managing a brilliant war, at least his family lived to see that, as he died a couple years after the war many say of a broken Heart..............

Traffic is the only thing that the

" This is what Democracy looks like" Occupy Wall St rallies will accomplish. I am No fan of Wall Street, and support anything as long as it doesn't cause Traffic, but This is out of hand. The only thing I understood from the protest  is that Some A-holes paid 80K for college majoring in Art or English Literature can't get jobs and now are in Debt. Apparently they didn't get the memo there is no Money in Chaucer or Beowulf. If the Rallies really want to start getting Popular I think they should  Start Blaming Israel and the Jews, It's a cant miss. The tune is catchy.............Poor "Munster" Still Suffering from Battered Wife Syndrome - he keeps  going back to playing on the Same Team with a Guy who promises him meaningful Playing time only to be told Something like "it was too close" or it was wrong match- up etc.I came up with an Equation of " How much Munster would cost his team, while in the game?" I wont show the work but the fact finding commission Established the damage would be minimal.......I finally got a car, not exactly happy with the Service, but I'm used to it from the car leasing people............

"Wallahi Ul Azzim"....

   is the Reason "Uncle Joe " The founding father of the youth Minyan at SZ synagogue doesn't want to give me an Alliyah. I keep telling him"Wallahi Ul Azzim" (a Swear in Arabic using g0ds name) and when he yells at me i tell him "Wallahi ul Azzim" I wont do it again. Apparently it's very bad to say it and disqualifies me from going up to the Torah........I will try harder not to poke fun at any one on Yom Kippur, On Rosh Hashana it was "Azzoori " The guy that looks like Fred Flinstone and sounds like Steve Urkel, Who insists on Screaming the prayers with  his distinguished voice and off tune melodies. Someone Suggested i give him the benefit of the doubt that he is praying with a lot of meaning and spirit. The other is "Herman Munster"- i actually look forward to seeing him every year as it's the only time i get to see him, and hope he sticks around for a while.........."I Tried to Be Good " No He was great. Am Ysrael Mourns the Passing of Hanan Porat- A Man who Embodied the spirit,courage, and heart of his people. He was a legendary fighter, and a founder of  "Gush Emuniem" - . Am Ysrael. Eretz Ysrael. Torat Ysrael this was Harav Hanan Porat..............

Options Again,

   The Online Dating world has opened up some new Opportunities with pretty much all of them being long shots. My New Profile reads:
The Good News about this profile I look like my photos the bad news about this profile i look like my photos. I wanted to convert to Islam, but Allah wouldnt advance me on the virgins so i figured, id stay jewish. I am very Honest, Except for stealing swedish fish, Music and Ketchup once. G-d Punished me back by making someone steal my Ipod. I like to celebrate Holidays such as Black History Month, Moses and Menachem Begin's B-days -My Immediatte goals is to figure out how to put my sheets on my bed, making a Tie, and learning a musical instrument. I am always on time ( thats my Ashekenaz side). I dont cook, but I am great at making Wish Sandwiches, I have created words and like to pronounce silent letters so they dont feel excluded...... I have gotten around 11 emails OK not around but with out any of them having good prospects had they emailed me about my photos, IT would have been a lot better- I am speaking to a 44 year old divorced woman whose pretty Hot and we may meet up. Also Three Girls from Israel one we became friends on FB  and may meet up when I'm there in Jan.One who saw my FB profile and "forgot" to contact me again She actually lives in NY. One who has Three kids and lives In Jerusalem, whom will probably not meet up with....Another girl  wanted me to send her Money, but at least she said i was handsome, and a couple pretty girls who may have gotten too busy to reply back to my Emails. I never Expected to hear from Ausrisralian girl, But she texted me asking how my New Years went- I may meet her Wed to hear all about her Resolutions, I asked to hear them............

The Special prayer,

 for $ at the end of the Rosh Hashana Services nets in big time Money for the Shul. What Irked me  most about this is the person who purchases the privilege to open the Ark and stand there is generally mobbed by Freeloaders who sneak there way up to the Torah. Forget the fact that this whole process is turned into a mockery by promises of wealth and prosperity to jack up the bidding but the person who buys it should at least get to determine who stands near him when he opens the Ark, I suggested just as they have at the Clubs, seal off the area with a velvet Rope and let the Purchaser determine whom can stand near the Torah.  In The Shul I Prayed it that privilege only went for $200 Now The last time I spent 200 big ones for under 4 minutes was Never Mind. I do pray to g0d that he doesn't read this blog...........Some one Compared the Bnie Yitzhak Legislation by the Rabbi  of outlawing the singing of  "UBA L' TZION" On non Shabbat Days To Mayor Dinkins Banning Planes flying  over the US Open perhaps both their greatest contribution...... back to Jdate Back to the same Nonsense here's an email i got and my response : Subject: 2 THINGS-"Hi. Okay 1...your wrong, making girls laugh does count! And 2... How come you don't put a pic up that actually shows your face? "-
1. youre probably right it does count - but not a lot like when u get a final grade the looks would be 50% money 40% funny 7% other 3 %
2. I look really good in blurry photos- but i just rejoined so i used my phone to put them up