Put your

  Hand in the hand of the man, Since the Crisis began I have Shaken only TWO peoples hands. The First was the Great Sidney Arthur Rosenberg of the Sid and Bernie show at the "Corona virus hates the jews Rally" where I mentioned I was a big fan and Was sorry he never got to meet Lee Mazzili, He Said he had to go and Extended his Hand out. The Second was a Delivery guy from the Rolling Hills of Tennessee, After unloading Freight by me on an Early Rainy morning Sometime in October.  Instantly, After both Encounters, I immediately reached for the Purell, and Hoped..... Tip Season is Upon us, and I always agreed it was a nice gesture, But completely unnecessary. Why Should Someone Be Given Extra Cheese for doing Their Job? Unlike a Server, Or Livery Driver it's not something that is incorporated in their Salary. The Damage this Year will be be $1850 Personal and roughly $425 Business of which some can be counted as Hush Money.....The Humane Mouse Trap Count is Five over the past Three Days, That Includes Two in One Trap This morning. Just like released Terrorists I make them Sign a waiver Never to return, and release at the End of the Block to head out South towards Kings Highway........

A Vibrator,

 

  to be specific, a Trojan Vibrations Ultra Touch Fingertip massager, Was Snuck into my Bag of Groceries and food As I was closing up my office and heading home. Upon arriving home, the bag was placed on the bench where my Betrothed, usually unpacks it. After washing up, I was horrified to see my little daughter walking around with dental floss, and that Purple package. Usually giving the benefit of doubt it was clear who done it, perhaps as clear as a Yemenite "inadvertently" lifting a certain special Knife blade. The Next morning I arrived at a 5th Ave Brooklyn pharmacy to pick up a return. With appx 23 Minutes to kill prior to their opening at 800, I walked into the Walgreens down the block for some Scotch tape and Red bull (Sugar free of course). Walking in the alarm Buzzed, and I proceeded on my Trek to the Scotch Tape section. It did and didn't surprise me when the cashier gave me back .96 cents, while the customer ahead of me in the Exact same situation was given the Whole dollar back. Declining a bag, I headed to the door, Where Guess what, Confidently I walked back to the Cashier, emptying my pockets to show that Nothing was lifted, only to pull out no pun intended,  Sheepishly, I gave the " dog ate my Homework" Explanation and after expounding further, The smiling cashier and Manager gave me the vote of confidence of " No Judgements here" The Moral of the Story Always check your pockets.....For the first time since moving on "UP", I parked in the same exact street Spot for  Three Consecutive nights,  The Previous record Was Two, Done on Several Occasions......