Saturday, June 29, 2013

Another Successful


 Shabbos at the Rubin's. Based on the Guest of the Week NR has incorporated promotion nights. This week's guest was DB( Doda B) it her honor it  was DB Pfizer Xanax Night  all guest 18 and over receive a bottle of the Stix.  Big ups and Respek also to GM ( Grandma Marjorie).......As long as you're not bothering anyone, people in shul should mind their Business. Late by Eleven minutes to shul Friday night ( i like being late)  preparing to Embark on the 18th prayer someone pats me on the back to tell me their starting next door and insists I join them, ignoring him he persists and i relented. I was Seething cause I let the SOB manipulate me. Do you think Gd will credit  him with a Mitzvah?...... The Shul theme continues instead of listening to the Rabbi's Speech, Me, DM. and JD were counting  how many steps the Rabbi  paced in the Appx Six Square foot podium space he was speaking from. In the  Roughly Twelve Plus Minute speech  340 Steps, I have no clue what he was talking about...........



Friday, June 28, 2013

Should I not,


         be Flattered to get this  Email From Manchick Thanks ....Your a hot guy who lives far away.. Going golfing at my place in Kelowna this long weekend.... The Hadams Apple picture was too much. Every time i was referred to as hot it either involved the solicitation of Green cards, or Money......A reader asks is it me or do people behave differently towards me when they are in Deal.? The Air is the only thing that i can come up with for now. The Seventeen Cents I left on a ledge walking to Shul two Friday Nights ago was still there, Should I leave it or let it Ride?......It was pointed out to me why I am a failure at online dating - "You Don't chase, You Fear Rejection and you suck at selling " Pretty profound to say the least..... I couldn't resist the free Diet We had this week....... My Investment Guru from Nepal Sheremeeh Thapa suggested I buy FORD stock so far Im Up $490 Big ones.......

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

You can't make this


 stuff up. I was talking to a girl online an Israeli from Ethiopia living in Brooklyn Her name is well i can't really say it here.....  The 37 year old Queens Girl i was supposed to meet up Sunday in Queens had to take a rain check  she  was "a bit under the weather"  Where did i hear that before?.......A lovely young lady from B.C. writes me    "Cute.. Too bad you live so far away.."   first take of her Photos Woowaa then I had to send the pics to QB a specialist in detecting Woman  "the dude thinks You're cute" - Holy Crap I responded back to herhim...... It disappointed me that not one  member of the Heat Thanked their Lord and Savior Was Jesus not a basketball Fan.........


 

Sunday, June 23, 2013

If One goes


   to a party, but doesn't actually locate the people at the party is it considered as if he went. I was Invited to a Birthday bash that was going to start LATE on a Saturday 11:30 true to my Asheknaz heritage and despite  their not being food i arrived at 11:15. Sitting on a Throne like Chair at the Hotel lobby  that made me feel  like a Russian Oligarch I was  measuring the coterie of beauties that were assembling around me. Excitement Struck early as I was witness to a good lesbian argument and making up. Birthday Girl was running 30 minutes late and arrived at 12:41 Est. By That time I had left but at her insistence came back. The venue was small, and had way to many more people that allowed by the Fire Dept. I couldn't locate the RE Birthday  party and after getting a drink spilled on me accidentally I called it a Night  at 1:37 est........NOTHING  that rhymed with motto or anything else great was in store for the week.The premonition last Sunday was just that......

 

Saturday, June 22, 2013

The Shimon Heres



Birthday festival that was funded by private donations had to cost only g0d knows how much. Peres     brought a tremendous amount of sorrow to his people for throwing a life line to Yasser Arafat and concocting Oslo. I do laud him for his achievement of tricking the French to build the Nuclear reactor in dimona by backdating the agreement ( a great story) and as DM allowing the establishment of settlements in Sebasatia  a Real F U to Yitzhak Rabin.........Why does some chocolate pudding require refrigeration and some don't?........YOF excuse for not hiring DM, lack of experience. That's like saying Wesley snipes is not black enough. DM has studied the game like the Torah, an his credentials measure up against anyone in the worst league in America.........I received the Rubins Summer pass in the mail. Last Season I won the Shnoora MVP by eating over a record Six weeks........An old Acquaintance is trying to set me up with a  Israeli Girl, that just moved here recently. "Sure" of course i forgot to ask what she looks like but he said she was Spicy........ "I don't know weather I spend more time Thinking about you or more time trying not to think about you"..........

Friday, June 21, 2013

Something Better comes Up,



  What is why Girls Email you Then Stop responding ? The Rules to Online dating are simply, You click on a profile it peeks you're interest you send a message and wait for a reply. I have been guilty of the same, But only when Girls have messaged me. Over the last 10 days I have been in contact with a 38 year old East European with a kid Living on the air in Cincinnati, A 37 Year old Queens Girl who may actually meet up Sunday, A 44 year old Brooklyn  Russian with 2 kids who probably  figured out what I wanted, A very hot 35 year  Bklyn Russian girl who forgot to respond back. A 38 Year South African hedge fund,  Marathon Runner She loved my profile not enough to reply to my Thank you, A 37 PR Guru who loved my name and my profile, but apparently not enough she hasn't responded back. A couple of Milfs from NJ who I am probably at fault for the lack of replies. A 34 year old Religious Australian teacher, She's not bad  We email here and there Why?, Another Marathon Runner who left me her email telling me her subscription ran out, and a Bubbly 34 year old who apparently didn't respond to my Humor.... The Common denominator They all contacted me First, But have moved on to Greener pastures. Believe or Not I'm grateful to have disconnected my profile.........

Coincidence or


Conspiracy that Ashkenazim Israel chief rabbi Yona Metzger is being investigated for pocketing donations etc. after spending quality time in the great Syrian community just saying ...... 65 years ago the Israeli Alamo the Altalena " blessed be the holy cannon that Sank the ship, it shall be enshrined in the third temple of the Jews"- Ben Gurion ......The Exodus to the Holy city, Brings out my annual Joke to my dad  " With Lavan I lived and Still managed to Keep the 613 commandments" a reference to him spending the summer with the Chilonim...... Makes me look like a genius that I predicted the Heat by a Touchdown to win the NBE championship,as if no one knew that Hulk Hogan would retain his title. David Stern the Vince McMahon of basketball has built an Entertainment Empire To Bad it's all FAKE..........

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The Wide World


 Of Sports has given us some Iconic Moments.  The Giants win the pennant ", " Havlicek stole the ball"  Do you believe in Miracles? The slow roller up the line that got by Buckner. Bird Stole the Ball and when Daniel Larusso fought. David Stern Busted Seven Nuts last night after the Heat staved off elimination and forced what many call the greatest two words in sports  GAME SEVEN. All the experts are calling for Greg Popovich's head. Why did he have  Tim Duncan out of the game?  why didn't he foul? why didn't Parker get in for the last shot etc etc..... Haim from queens-bridge Queens-bridge notes maybe had Boris Diaw Not been in the game Does Lebron commit those critical turn overs, and what guarantee does one make that the spurs would control the boards with Duncan, granted the percentage of them doing so would be greater, but then the outlook of the offensive sets would be different and maybe he would set up someone for a better shot, With Social media EVERYONE is an expert and everyone can react to split second decisions after weighing them for a few minutes and become an Expert. A Noted Baseball Manager once said " Stats are like a Bikini, They show a lot but not everything" and all these ridiculous stats like plus/ minus indicate a big 0.0. If Yeshiva coach John Halpert was coaching the spurs he wouldn't make any excuses, but just say if we didn't miss those Free throws we would be cutting down the Nets. A lot of bad bounces and fortune  went against the Spurs late last night and yes they should have sealed the deal but to Micro manage every split second Situation and decision is wrong, cause We could have been doing the exact same thing had Popovich done something different . A comedian Said took POPovich five minutes to turn to MOMovich - I don't write the jokes just report them.............

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Something Great,


  Is in store for this week. I can't pinpoint my finger at it, but walking with several bags back from the supermarket, that itch came to me, and I don't know in what field the great fortune will fall into but I hope it rhymes with Motto or something like that.........

Friday, June 14, 2013

The Puero Rican Day


 Parade, I knew would pay off one of these days. An Email " A Jewish boy at the Puerto Rican Day parade...nice! "  that's what impressed this lovely 41 year old Young lady Jurist Doctor  most about my profile. After a brief  exchange we set up to meet Thursday Night- She seemed a little irritated at my " What do you want to do attitude" - but when I explained the online rules She understood.  We shared our disdain for Small talk, passion for the obscure, and 80s TV.  She Shared her knowledge of wine and food and I, on  where Jawaan Oldaham or Bill Hanzlik Played college Ball. I enjoyed her spunk, Fiestyness, usage of profanity and despite being a lil Short her legs. We ended off by "wanting to go out again  and despite the good banter and conversation I didn't think it can lead to a Future and unfortunately an immediate future...No Church On Sunday............

A Final Note,

  on The Haradey Anti Israeli Army Rally in lower Manhattan  " it was like going to an Anti Crime rally featuring all the well noted Grand wizards of the Klu Klux Klan, and on the stage sitting their are some Civil Rights leaders, and them promising not to make references to Blacks as N and other names and blame them for All the crime"........Apologizes  to My Jewish readers for causing any hurt, harm, or injustice with the previous post parodying  the Kabbala perhaps in poor taste but rest assured no levity intended.....Solidarity  with  my Turkish Readers Looks Like PM Tayeep Erdogan will be able to Quash the protests at Taksim Square, and the Repercussions will be severe, Allah hu Akbar long live the Islamic Republic of Turkiye..........

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The KaBaLLAHAHA


  Teaches us That The All Mighty Sets a side a must 11  Rainy Days for the Summer Season. With all the complaints of  Where is Our Summer?  The Lord is just Simply getting them out of the way, and fulfilling the quota of the Rain for the season. Now,You may Read this and Say Huh? But it is noted that each Rainy Day symbolizes the Eleven Stars ( his 11 brothers bowing to him)  In Joseph Dream as its written in Genesis 37:9...... Some went further and said that when it rains a full Day it is calculated as Double Rain day. We have almost met our Quota and not even the Great sage Tony the Maeygal who was noted for drawing circles and praying for the Rain can make it happen..........

Sunday, June 9, 2013

It's been


 One year since I went out with a really great girl.....Can't Imagine any Light Skinned Jewish Gringo Attending the Puerto rican Parade, I did get to see one of my Heroes the great Yolanda Vegaaaa  Some say she is to the Lottery, What Vanna White is to Wheel of Fortune......... Federal Plaza in downtown Manhattan Turned Black Sunday as a  Sea of Haradeim were bused to protest  Haradey Enlistment in the Zionist Army. Prominent Rabbis were brought in to Incite the crowd and what was Shocking to see was a Highly notable Rabbi Representing the greater Sephardi Community Sitting on the same Stage as some of the most Virulent Anti Zionist Anti Israel Rabbis and listening to them  decry  Zionism a Cancer and the state as Filthy and Disgraceful . Let's give the benefit of the doubt and say that the Sephardi Rabbi Doesn't understand Yiddish, But even I was able to make out those parts from the Speeches and also annoyed one of the haseedems near me to translate. Not being Disrespectful I told my "friends" I had enough of this Sh%$it , wished them an Am Ysrael Chai, and left. For my troubles I got called a mamzer and some other Yiddish word I forgot. I  had to push my way through what some estimate twenty five thousand haradeim, felt like a hell of a lot more.............

Friday, June 7, 2013

The Slump Goes on


  - Pretty Girl with the dogs has not replied to my Invitation and by not doing so Declined.... Sephlink called I wish they didn't But by ignoring them further it will be me declining  .......My Dry cleaner has a sign Italian Tailor on premises - Would that be like a Hospital or Medical office putting  Jewish Dr on Staff.........Not to Sure what to think of the Israelis glorifying the country's Gay pride, but I will give the Newspapers credit for at least putting their Hot Lesbians on the Front pages not even the Haradeim would argue with that........ This Sunday A Mass No Haradeim in the Army Rally at Federal Plaza in downtown Manhattan it will be the first time that Rival Brothers of the Satamr sect be speaking at the same function Not even the Anti Internet Porn Rally at Sheck Stadium was able to do that......

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

The Slump


 Continues, But some signs of breaking out ...... Pretty girl Emails me on line "Hi funny profile, only problem is I love all animals, especially dogs, but you are not a pet person. What do we do -D . Is this a rhetorical question? Does a Bear shit in the woods? Of course I love animals, If She were part of the Hari Krishna or Falun Gang I'd enlist. I emailed her back that I am not not a pet person, but because i dont have a pet......for now I put not a pet person So to answer the question of what do we do? Of course go out - KE- G...............RE has volunteered her services into Fixing up my profile,and also trying to get her friend to go out with me, Not to be rude I'm Glad she doesn't want to. We are exploring new investment opportunities....... Pretty and older  Israel Expatriate Messaged me " Hi, Sorry I didn't call I was moving to a new place and busy with work"-That's cool no worries hope everything is going well"  Should be about 11 days till she answers........

Monday, June 3, 2013

THE FIRST WEEK OF

       June marks a lot of important dates in the Calendar.... 1982 Operation "Peace for The Gallile" - The war of  NO CHOICE that led to the resignation of  Menachem Begin...... 1981 Operation Opera- The destruction of the Iraqi Tammuz Reactor, I was fortunate to meet one of the Pilots Amos Yadlin........1967 Hail Mary Plan Operation Focus or  Moked and the Liberation and unification of Jerusalem. To My Arabian Friends a Happy NAQSA........ 1968 The Assassination of Robert Kennedy  By Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan.........My Sister and Sister in law's Birthdays for Security purposes I can't reveal their age.........And Operation Short Sleeves-  me getting free fancy shirts from my Brother, my only complaint i wish he was taller, that way the sleeves would reach beyond my wrists.......

Saturday, June 1, 2013

42 stairs of shame,


  Walking down 7th flights Stairs On The Lord's Day, oblivious, Free as a bird and a satisfied soul  I was letting loose with out regard or mercy.  To My horror Several  unsuspecting religious neighbors appeared, How can i have missed them? It was mortifying  walking the last Three Flights of stairs down behind them, They didn't say a word..........No Runs, No Hits, No Errors, No Prospects, No Problems? Not Unless I want to try to rekindle any Sparks with girls that I have gone out that i see online.....The Turkish nation has taken to the streets against  the Conservative and Religious Ruling Party. They are fighting some of the Extreme Govt Policies that vilify Public Displays of Affection, The Drink Yogurt not Alcohol campaign and crackdown of Internet Porn......I wasted 3:44 seconds out of my life counting the time difference of when I finished the Amidah to when the cantor Started praying again This Friday Night at the Sitt Shul........