The Chance

    Encounter with the Arabian Ms Aboo Achmad of Nazareth at the Hebron Bus Stop, has blossomed. She's been emailing,  asking if i can help her with her English Homework; Of Course ...... Another Tinder Mircale, A Match messages me " I've been told about you" -  " Really how? was it good or bad?. Lucky for me it was my name.Through some kakamania connection someone tried setting us up, but she dated someone else instead . Would I date Someone with Three Kids? Hmmm Depends........It's not looking good for  me and .PSBG( pretty svelte brunette girl) She's notofied me that She's been really Sick, but yet is still "looking forward" to getting together Couple that with the weather were at 11-1........However it is looking good with HJG( Hungarian Jobbak Girl )  Whom messaged me after about a month to go out. " What do you have in mind"? I am pretty certain she didn't want me to answer Honestly but Drinks, and a movie or something on the agenda...........


   

The Insolence

  of the Haradiem, mainstream Hebrew speaking, everyday Israeli Black hats, who took to Jerusalem Parks to have cook outs and Barbecues on the day the State observes  Remembrance day for the Shoah and its Martyrs. The argument that Secular s don't observe their holidays  ( i.e Shabbat ) why should we observe the State's, and also they commemorate the Shoah  on the fast of the Tenth of Tevet.  They are 100 times worse than Neturi Karta at least they don't take any Money from the State. Shame on them...........Poor choice of words referring to my Social life as Meds Yeghern the term Used by President Obama to describe the Armenian Genocide, but with out using the G word the meaning again " Great calamity".........Pretty Svelte Brunette mistook my aloofness for not being interested, But Heck I'd be crazy not too- The Third strike to glory will be Thursday night, Enthusiasm yes, with a small dose of Trepidation..........

Not playing

  The Accommodating game. TG1( Tindergirl1) messages me " The weekend left me beat, and  I am afraid I  wont be good company"  - "Dw Another time" - I can't imagine ever coming up with a Spurious line like that......lamenting with a couple of friends  at what has become the Meds Yeghern or great calamity of our social lives and relationships. I suggested Tinder, fascinated by the in-personable and shallow way of meeting people they both Declined, and suggested i call the girl from they tried to hook me up previously, for those not following, I called her but in a clout of mystery her Phone suddenly stopped working, Their still
trying to solve the mystery of  how the phone went bad, Good luck they still didn't solve who killed Arlosorof. Her phone is working now for the record.........I found it great how the writers  of Different Strokes worked in Phillip Habib's name into the show, of course Habib is most famous for mediating peace between Israel and the PLO in Lebanon in the early 80s.....

 ..

Pending Plans,

  Are still Pending. In Similar fashion to the young lady that Told me She was busy washing her hair every night for the rest of her life. The pretty Svelte Brunette from Jdate, has let me know that she's become very busy and asked that I pencil her in for Wednesday, The Good news it is one of the days of the week, The Bad  Their are 52 Wednesday's in a year.........TG ( Tinder Girl ) has also had a lot on her plate and the Hectictiness of her Schedule continues. She has gracefully penciled me at Sunday 7:00 PM but Specified She needs to be home early, Can't wait for that night. Further Plans that were pending I scheduled with another TGII( Tinder Girl ii ) to meet up Tonight, "I am assuming, I'm not meeting u, Since there was no follow up" - My "Too Busy"excuse is always I was in Philly and South Jersey and got back late...... The Main event for the week was picking up my parents from the airport. Expecting some fireworks, after my father screwed up the booking for the return flight, Wait;  let me rephrase after the Ticket agent Screwed up the booking for the return flight. Both my parents were in a placid state, and after several delays and stopovers, They were just happy to be home..............

Winding down

 Tinder, the Stats have been mailed in. 964 Matches both in Israel and NY area , Scores of  " What do you do ? Where are you from ? Conversations. A bunch of non responsive matches, A lot of numbers, A handful of meetings and a total calculated 876 min 28 seconds of  Time wastage, in roughly six weeks .What have we learned ? That it's really great for confidence that woman find my Three Photos somewhat attractive to Swipe right.............There are some pending plans for the week. A Svelte  brunette from Jdate, That I was in contact with over the course of the trip. The Young lady from Tinder That may Squeeze me into her "hectic" Schedule - cause " I know how it is. or maybe what it means", and a couple of Set ups that require the Setter upper to " Ask the Girl".............4/20/47  " In the Shadows of the Gallows"  The heroic story of Meir  Fienstien and Moshe  Barzani and how they cheated the Hangman..........Obscure Shul Situation of the week: The cantor is a Cohen - their are Two Non Commissioned or bar mitzva cohanim- What does he do when it comes for the Priestly Blessing?  A) skip it  B) Just say the blessing  C) have someone else say the blessing and participate in it with the NC Cohanim  D) None of the above E) All of the above

How was the Flight?

   to put things into perspective, at least it arrived safely. What started out as a really promising night, ended
well we got in safely. Finally a new lines system at Ben Gurion Airport that makes it nearly impossible to cut, and as we all know Israelis have a lot great things about them, However Line etiquette is not one of  them. I have learned the hard way on what leaving an inch between you and the next person can mean. One of the last to board, I walked down the valley of the shadow of death, or the aisle, to witness Satan delightfully laughing as to whom he stuck me near. A Ruffian and his Ruffian in training Son. With total disregard to any of the Seat protocol rules, he blatantly violated my air space with his mammoth elbowing, that forced me to spill into the aisle and constantly get hit by the passer Byers. I wont  mention the heavy snores and the gas. My only escape was the Toilet and spent a good portion of the night Seeking refuge there. Naturally this whole experience made me really regret that i was, yup part of the Middle class........When I sense it's generally not the best thing, But I am sensing a lack of interest from my last T date. Not quitting, but not chasing either, We are supposed to get together the Issue When.......


 

 

In Israel

  When the conversation stalls, politics is the go to subject as opposed to in the USA, when all else fails you talk about the weather. I was fortunate and unfortunate to meet up with Two girls yesterday. The first was a classic case of a "Buttaface" in her late 30s . Objectively speaking she did not seem to thrilled by me either. We did manage to sit through approximately 40 minutes of political conversation. later that night a cute mid 30s young lady came by and that went a lot better, not that better. However she had a good story, was mildly bubbly and was fun to be around. We ended as FB Add ons, though had I lived in Israel the results could have been different....... The Jewish version of the NCAA's has begun, once again I'm a one and done eliminated in the first round , specifically day Two......Walking up and down two major Tel Aviv streets, not one kosher for Passover restaurant..... retraction my father is not the "loat" of Herzliya, apparently I don't know my Bible but loat was not righteous..........

And the stick,

That beat the dog, that beat up the cat , that ate the mouse that ate the cheese and blablabla.....my father could very well be the "loat" of Herzelyia. It took him an unprecedent 48 minutes and 17 seconds to make his second Seder coast to coast. It's unheard of not to be able to get a Minyan anywhere in the State of  Israel. On a positive note for my dad. Breakfast has climbed back on top as the MVP of his trip........Keeping in contact with my last date, and also another girl that seems to be me on the exact same wave length as me in the game of life with the exception of her being really good looking, has led to the resignation of TinderIsrael, they're are some opportunities, but in realty how can something serious develop and the other thing doesn't really ever happen for me........

if I forget,

 ohh Jerusalem .....Bar mitzvah celebrations at the capital started out at the rebuilt to old glory Hurva Shul . The Worlds greatest outdoor party " Kabbalat Shabbat at the Kotel" was and as is always worth the price of admission ..... Updating from the IPhone is not very easy.......while waiting for the bus to take us to a celebration We ran into former Ambassador Dore Gold and  Yaakov "ketzele" Katz medal of valor winner from Yom Kippur war, and champion of the Judeah and  Samaria. A minor Fracas occurred at the celebration  and When the war was over They're were no winners.......Super special, praying Minha in the Cave of the patriarchs with about 60 Paratroopers who were they're on a guided tour. As usual, missing the Bus gave me an extra hour and twenty minutes to spend in the Hebrew city. The little Arab kids are constantly, annoying and swearing at the Border patrol soldiers, but when one  spit at one of the soldiers, and it was a real mucusy spit. The solider in my opinion rightfully slapped the kid and in Arabic told him to scram. Security was heavily beefed up for the Passover holiday. Waiting for the bus a mildly attractive young lady walked towards the stop, I told her the bus will be here at 3:20, when the little Arab kids came up to ask for money, in perfect Arabic she told them to scram. complimenting her on her perfect Arabic, she replied I'm An Arab from Nazerth. We sat on the bus together, speaking practically anything but politics and she was grateful to me for helping her with her English Work. Her mannerisms were pretty good and she was also very polite. Inviting me to Nazerth, of course i accepted knowing quite well that either two things can happen and I am not about to play Russian Roulette. We parted ways at my Jerusalem her "al quds" exchanged pleasantries and of course the FB add ons ........TinderIsrael may kick in this week as we part to the Secular city of Herzeliya for the Passover Holidays, It's amazing that it doesn't even feel like Israel, however the accommodations have exceeded my wildest imaginations, soft toil paper, wipes, The room and of course the view .......

TinderIsrael

Has gotten me off guard, making over 100 new matches, all the good ones see no sense in meeting up and all the bad ones are all the bad ones..........Keeping an open line of communication with my last date, I'm doing most of the flirting, with little in return. Not going to make the mistake of overreacting, but not gonna  chase or stalk either.........Their is a Breakfast Crisis, and my father is especially unhappy the Hotel Breakfast went Kosher for Passover and the Variety is not quite the same....... Hebron or Sderot both non negotiables for me when I go to Israel, forced  me to play Sophie's choice and Sderot won. Their is something special about the qussam rocket capital of the world - I was about an hour late for the code red......

To reiterate

     The point that it never bothered me more to be part of the middle class, until I have flown ElAl airlines to Israel. Wasn't the worst, except for the Falafel looking guy sitting near violating my Air space and squishing me...... It made me feel a little sad to see a Jamaican nanny traveling with the family she was with being forced to empty hear bag AGAIN, she threw her stuff out Of the bag and called him Racialist Mother...... It appears that I am more fearful of G0d prior to flying, all snacks are kosher and come with a blessing, and I passed on what was the most delicious looking non kosher Pizza ever........Wanting to be the last one on the plane, I was pipped out by seven others, I just dread having to look at all the people that pass and pray they don't sit next to me, way too much pressure.......My brother said he'd kill me, when I asked if free porno movies come with the room.... The itinerary is all set for the remainder of the trip, but  I was glad to make it to Rachel's Tomb, I was a little uneasy with the cab driver being Arab an almost "ein od melvado"...............

After Suffering

to what has been equated to my worst loss, a 40 point blow out in my last date. My nerves were a little rattled for my next date, How does one respond after a Horrendous Blow out. After Texting for several days and her Being away last week. We set up to meet at The Stone Rose at the Time Warner Building. Early as usual, My first reaction was the Waitresses were marone. She came in on time and it surprised me how much taller, prettier and yes well endowed she was in her photos. In True Purim Fashion this was a real " Ve Na Hafoocho" as bad as the last date was this date was going as good. We spoke of everything and anything and i was happy we were able to meet prior to me going away, She Seemed interested and hopefully will be going out again upon my return......... Never in my life would I ever think I would be complaining of Tinder being overwhelming Surpassing Babe Ruth and Slowly Approaching Hank Aaron Territory of 755, has done wonders for my confidence but  it may have gotten out of hand a little......

Breakfast

     Was the hot topic, During the Stressful Saturday night car ride to Kennedy Airport. My Mom being ultra Ashkenazim was a nervous wreck , and my dad is yup my dad. He laughed when i told him I saved his A$$ recommending him wipes, but was adamant that I spoiled Breakfast in Israel by Embellishing the Fact of how much he loves it and how much it holds him for the whole day. The Story had a happy ending as they made it with plenty of time.  With Hashems Help i will be arriving to the undivided capital of the Jewish people or CIA Director John Brennan Favorite city "Al Quds" Tuesday.  Prayers for not having to go #2 on the plane or sitting next to Haradiem have ceased. My Hotel reservation will not be kicking in until Wed, which forces me to be roommates with my Parents for one night.  My Father likes me, we have the Same deal in tact my Mother hmmm Not so much. In all Fairness i am Saving over $500 bones...... The Distress code word Should I be kidnapped by Terrorists will be " Ein Od Melvado- Ein Od Melvado"........

The Best News

About Tonight's date or meeting was that it lasted a mere 26 Minutes, The Bad news was that it felt like 26 minutes worth of Water-boarding..... As usual my date was late and upon Showing, and it was evident that it was not because she was prepared to look her Best. Non the Less, " Let's make the most of it ". Unfortunately the most was zero squared. Her level of insolence was appalling, the constant texting, Checking her phone, trying to make me look stupid at every question, thinking i am stupid, making up stories as to why she may have to leave  and the thoroughly disgusting way she chomped at her edamame cemented the crown for absolute worst date ever. I have been towed in the rain, I schlepped out to far lands, Cut my my hand on cheap Chinese umbrellas, and even had to go #2, but this was the pinnacle of horrendous.  I insisted she leave to take care of her "emergency " and Sarcastically mentioned that " we should do this again". It Saddened me that I lost my composure not at her, but after. She beat the hell out of me in the Gandhi Game of killing you're adversary in kindness.........On a Positive note congratulations to my ex team, Team Mooch for winning the prestigious XBL basketball title.........

TINDERRRRRR.....

      is very much like F-Marry- Kill game Except for the fact that you're not limited with the selections. For the lovely Young ladies of Tinder I tend to unfortunately  fit into the Marry or Kill category. Super spontaneous Me and what seemed to me to be a Eastern European woman decided to meet up after a short text conversation. "Perfect why waste time". Although i was in Sneakers and a ketchup Stained Blue check Shirt, I was certain she would not pay attention to those  petty details. She was 13 minutes late, and I complimented her on being genetically gifted, a lil disingenuous But necessary. Mistaken her for Russian, She quickly corrected me Hungarian and the only thing that came to mind, well besides that; was Goulash and the far right Jobbak Party of which i was relived she wasn't a fan. She Spoke of her travels and work, and we agreed to disagree that the Hungarians were the lesser of  evils of the European countries during the Shoah. We walked together to the Train Station, Where in true chivalrous fashion i swiped her through, My chivalry was rewarded with a Trip to the Guillotine. A March maddenes Upset........Next