Reprinted

          THE PASSOVER BILL OF RIGHTS 
  1. Poor Mans Bread Cost a $#it load of Money
  
  2. Elijah The Prophet Comes in through the Front door and not the Chimney He does NOT         bring presents

  3. In The Haggadah BEN ZOMA is a Scholar and not a Son of a Bitch 

  4. Everyone is aware the Romanian Lettuce has been Checked for Bugs, You do NOT need to  announce, when flying does the Pilot insist on Telling you That every Valise has been                 Checked for Bombs

 5. Macaroons are the officially sanctioned snack of this holiday 

 6. Double Dipping is not only Allowed But Encouraged,  

 7. Customary to Not Lace one's Shoes to Symbolize the Shackles our forefathers were              chained to in Egypt 

 8. The Stick that beat the dog that bit the cat that ate the cheese Story is completely bullcrap 

 9. The Jewish version of the NCAAs start on the second Night, Known as " The Omer"- The rules Single elimination, if you miss it you're out- You may still play at home..........

10. The commentators  say The real reason we eat matzoha is , while escaping from  Egypt G0d Wanted to constipate the Jewish people, that no one should have to go to the Bathroom and hold up the rest of the crowd  

Some more helpful Tips 
1) From a girl that gave me a hernia Schlepping her bags before a date - put Jelly Rings in the Freezer they taste delicious frozen 
2) if you plan on fornicating Yeast is Hametz 
3) If a girl Tells you she has a lot of weddings and party's to attend right after Passover- really means Take a Hike 

Well The Sign

  Says that Anyone, whom in the past 24 Hours was...... Pulled over by Highway Patrol at 1130 at night on Suspicion of DWI, only to breathe in instead of out while the Breathalyzer was being administered, Much to the Officers Dismay, I finally got it right and Passed with flying colors,no Summons issued......Completely oblivious, I backed into a waiting car of an Asian Physician, hearing the crackle of the cars, Sounded a lot worse than any Damage incurred, But a lot better than the Scolding and reprimand of the old Physician. Apologizing Profusely, and offering to pay for any damage, he angrily declined and continued Hysterically Telling me to learn how to drive......Safely Jaywalking across Ocean parkway, later that night, It never occurred to me that it was the bicycles I would need to worry about. Walking gingerly to cross from the Bike lane. " WATCH OUT"  As the speeding cyclist Plowed into me, Knocking me out. The only thing going through my mind was  The Hefty Insurance Deductible ( i think its $8900) I would have to meet, if anything was broken, By the Grace of my lord and savior except for some Pain to my Hip and elbow, I was Basically Fine. Besides some Damage to the Bike, the irritated  cyclist was OK. I Probably Should have offered to pay for some of the damages to the bike,but my head was elsewhere as i stumbled the remaining 100 Yards home...... Did Someone Pray bad for me, Maybe just plain ole Bad luck,  Perhaps I am Especially fortunate that a lot worse could of happened, and I should be Grateful to the Good Lord for Redeeming me...... Like the Great Al McGuire once Said " The Only mystery in life is Why the Kamikaze Pilots Wore Helmets"............

Jim Mckay

    quoting his dad said  "Our greatest hopes and our worst fears are seldom realized."  he of course was alluding to the Munich Massacre of the 11 Israeli Athletes. After five months in limbo,It never occurred to me that my greatest fears regarding the issue i had with the Non kosher Dog Shedding tools would be realized,from what i understand they are looking at Six Zeros....Congratulations to Horowitz Nation on the wedding of their son. In True Spirit of the great Henry Clay, I reached a compromise, of Ceremony and no meal, as i am not a good guest and feel grossly uncomfortable having someone spend the money on me. The wedding was brought into thousands of homes, by a special live stream broadcast by DM. IHO denied my request for credentials to cover the Simcha....040468 Anybody here seen my old friend Martin.....The Second Segment of the BJ Slow Pitch Softball Show Went live with Yeshiva coaching legend Jan Sandusky, Unfortunately the Executives needed to pull the show to due complications and disagreements with the coach, Hopefully by Mid April, it will go live again.......lines of Communications have reopened and there is potentially some developments, Win,lose or draw something will be resolved Sooner or perhaps Later.........