Wednesday, July 31, 2013

The BooB cruise



     Lived up to everyone of my expectations, in the fantasy world. The Booze cruise however also lived  up to every one of my expectations. In a scene that resembled  Plessy v. Ferguson   2 boats docked at the pier one was for the Jews and one for the Blacks. My greatest fear didn't come to fruition and RE looked at me funny for asking if they will show a safety movie or demonstration. she was kind enough to introduce me to anyone she may have known, as I also ran into a couple I knew one being weightlifting extraordinaire Georghe Mueresan.  My mingling skills suck and besides a short conversation with a religious girl, that went the aha and yeah yeah route, and some introductions I was sold to my iPhone emailing back four, forty plus girls that emailed me on line.....I lied to a couple girls telling them I couldn't drink, being that I was an Ex Alcoholic and have Been off the sauce seven years. Abandoning ship was never an Option, perhaps if the cruise would've have gone a fourth hour. Lou Stool won the raffle and relished in the fact that his name was announced  over the PA the prize 4 tickets to a Mets game section 330, I think I was the only one who put in that draw.  I can hardly wait till next years BooB cruise.......RIP Ossie Schetman the man who scored the first basket in NBA history






             

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Counting down



        
           
       the hours for Shabbat to end in the Holy city felt like the Tisha be Av Fast. The highlight  of the trip me and my nephew Yelling at the Bikers riding past us Shabbos,(no stones were thrown). Took me 2 hours 16 minutes to get home Saturday Night,  Yet Another Successful Shabbos ........PM Nothingyahou has done it again  releasing prisoners and Selling out for a potential Nobel prize. I'm Glad his books on combating terrorism  at least made it to the fiction section.......Rain Man was up to his old shenanigans praying for it rain in deal on weekends, With a frighteningly high Percentage for bringing the rain he was the dubbed the Don Best of  his field. To his credit he did have a change of heart and the QB tennis tournament is back on.........RE girl  send me a link go on a Three hour Boat ride around Manhattan At first i read it as "Boob cruise" which would have been terrific as i am big fan of those, But its "Booze Cruise" I don't drink, suck at socializing, and get sea sick should be a Blast..........

Friday, July 26, 2013

Me and


  Roughly 50000 US citizens That were born in Al Quds  Still remain Country less as the State Dept refuses to  affix Israel to our Birthplace and just lists Jerusalem...........CUFI ( Christians united for Israel) Put on a great show in a night to Honor Israel, Chairman David Brog Spoke Brilliantly...... SENSA  is a weight loss product that entails sprinkling a salt like product on you're food , Giving it a shot Stay tuned for Before and After Photos.......A Pilgrimage to the Holy City this weekend " If i forget...."... The Levi Aharon Auction has Promised not to sensor any individuals i enter in the drawing Returning customers Leah A. ZazelIan and Alla Abook, Mary Kone and Shara Moota will participate.......

Thursday, July 25, 2013

A Hispanic


  allegedly shoots  an African American and the public is enraged, How do we know that race didn't play a role in the Aaron Hernandez- Obin Lloyd Murder..........Doesn't look like me and RRPG( really really pretty girl) would be getting together she was forced to cancel due to family obligations and she keeps conveniently missing my messages if i had to say I think shes hanging spaghetti off my ears...... Queens Girl that canceled for being under the weather, contacted me again. Did her better Options not work out? Should I still go out to Queens to meet her? We're in the Scheduling process.....The reason Airport Security by the curb keep making you move you're car, besides obviously being Douche bags is  that their is cameras all over and if they see a car sitting their too long they can get in trouble.........The Israeli chief Rabbinate Soap Opera is finally over. Thanks to the Shas Party the Zionists Amalek choices were soundly defeated all is well that ended well glad to see everyone retaining  their portion in Olam Haaba or the world to come.......

Monday, July 22, 2013

Shabbos Nachamu



 at the Rubins  filled with Zmiros and fun filled activities was a great success despite some controversy thwarted in by Uncle Frank who introduced us to some interesting inner community Theories How does he Know I do not know.........Like the judge that excoriated the Georgis wig scam haradey couple I was annoyed last night, Win Lose or draw when you plan on going out with someone doesn't matter Amuse the Other party and show you made some sort of preparation to look good. CG ( college girl) asked that I pick her up from work on  Sunday before we go out. Initially the replies to my questions were why do you ask that but it vastly improved when she went to the And You?. We finally broke ground, our passion for drinking water, and the conversation flowed like snow in the Africa.  I asked if she was ready to go, She replied are you in a rush to go somewhere? hmmmm? I replied Shul, Knowing already my religious level she rolled her Eyes I smiled and insisted no levity was intended. I Thanked the girl that set me up , she said  "it wasn't her cousin" ...... " I do not taking order from Jews, I give them" - John shaw  67 years to the bombing of the King David Hotel.......

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Fait Accompli



         They're were no questions asked when it came to the cute 34 year old girl my friend wanted to set me up with , but I did find her online. What to do ? Email  her of course using my obscure name, she didn't reply what are the odds that a guy with the same obscure name will call her?. None, cause RRPG ( really really pretty girl) got back to me. She was blunt, upbeat, direct and loved my obscure name. I must confess I don't know what we have in common but who cares shes really really.......After ignoring the heed to call college girl I braced myself for that grueling 12 minute root canal style conversation, every minute of it lived up to the expectation, yet we may hang out Sunday, I'm hoping for a last minute reprieve from the Governor not nice I take it back...... Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead Virulently Anti- Semitic UPI correspondent Helen Thomas has passed at 92, something she should have done 92 years ago.......

Friday, July 19, 2013

The Best Thing


  About Foreign Girls, Well the Second Best Thing actually is that their naivete towards the complexities of Sy dating. The Great QB texts me to see if their is an interest in going out with his cousin, I had immediate reservations due to the fact of his Hood connections, But when he mentioned it was his wife's and after the Photo exchange Let's give it a shot. Munster who has a storied success with women was giving me some invaluable advice. She wanted to go out around 1000-1030,  and i was lucky in Israel they don't go out till Midnight, we compromised 830. Again here is why I love Israelis took me about 10 minutes to get the answer of where to pick her up from, I Knew the History of the block by the time i got the House number. She loves Manhattan at night, and i preyed on her  affinity of the Big apple but taking her the Scenic route of our Brooklyn Bridge. I spoiled her by providing solid air conditioings.We settled at a nice lounge. She didn't want to drink and asked for Mineral water and when i came back with Tap She seemed surprised, and not sure she bought my excuse that they only carry the large waters- ( if anyone doesn't believe me all i have to say to you is doversai no proverayi) I was thoroughly impressed that her family once hosted Yitzhak Shamir at a Momuna at their home in southern Israel. She wanted to party i wanted to sleep. Eager to Show her some more sites we drove by the Bklyn Pier, and not cause i wanted to save a Few Shekels by taking the bridge again. The thing that disappointed me most was missing that really really pretty girls Phone call No church on Sunday.................

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

And We sang Dirges


  In the dark the day the Temple was destroyed.  It didn't bother me this year that everyone read the Book of Lamentations all together as someone pointed out the Song of songs is said the same way........ Anyone Interested in Bible Study class there will be some  pretty cute Chinese girls The topic is Matthew; "Blessed are"........I hold the record for longest email conversation with that really really pretty girl from jdate, It was only four or five - idiot me didn't get her # yet... But Drinks are on the Horizon...... "you should definette email me, if you can make me laugh"( and rich and good looking)   a pretty 30s something girl from Bklyn I went with my Go to Joke " Whats the Dfference Between Select and choose" ? No answer...... Yet ....

Monday, July 15, 2013

Kudos to



    EEE, for sending out a mass text amongst his friends and loved ones " PLEASE READ AND THINK ABOUT" . Took me a few Seconds to figure it out But Brilliant EEE had everyone read this line and had Everyone think. Most didn't get it but it elicited and provoked some kind of thought Impressive...........Pressure  how to reply to really really pretty girl that emailed me on line, I sought out advice from the great Munster "Don't Reply" - I came up with something witty, She didn't answer but maroneami wow......The best I could up with for not calling college girl "I was distraught over Trayvon" and now Tishe be Av certainly you can't  plan a date on the Saddest day of the year Maybe this one?.......

PLEASE READ AND THINK ABOUT.........

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Never Ask



  Questions when g0d's on you're side. A friend texted me  " I met this girl xxxxxx over weekend very cute, 34 good girl I think you may like her "... She wants to go out with me? Was she under Duress when proposed this and was she of sound body and mind when accepted? No and Yes, No other questions her number is............In a Noine minute speech Saturday According to Super statistician DM the Harvey Pollack of the community Pacing Rabbi took 291 Steps DM Doesn't include Shuffling or dragging the feet as steps, an Inspirational Speech......A peculiar habit from European families They all gather and assemble at register or  check out line even if only person is buying makes line seem a lot longer.........According to QB Sources Worlds Most famous Neighborhood watch dog  George Zimmerman will be converting to the Islamic Faith- Perhaps the Ramadan Diet has inspired him........

Friday, July 12, 2013

It is forbidden of me to Use



The word Never ( long story) in any context, So at any point in my life i knew that not finishing college was going to pay off - Blindly I agreed to call a girl,but when she found out i was not a graduate she declined and when i found out who she was i was....... This could be borderline Retarded but my bedsheets keep falling off I can't get the stretchy part to hold it's been really affecting my sleep amongst other things......"Uptight"  Israeli girl whom I went out for drinks text ed me literally out of the blue and I suggested we go out again. I wish I could have complimented on how she looked. We got started off on the wrong foot arguing about Israeli Policy and  Gilad Shalit and she vehemently disagreed with my capitulation argument, She order me a second  beer to loosen me up but i spilt most of it out when she went to the bathroom, She Knew of course and I have to Drive. I sounded Spoiled when I mentioned my non- Negotiable terms on Foreign Toilets and how I wouldn't go anywhere she suggested the Army, I don't think i was ever in my prime . I Reckon I am still Uptight but clearly this isn't the girl to loosen me up.....Breaking news College Girl Lowered Her standards..........

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Social Expulsion




      withdrawing and evacuating of all non essentials matters. Makes feel a lil bad not following through with Two frivolous dates or meetings that were tentatively scheduled..One was with a 35 year old teacher and another with the Israeliopian.......Congratulations to my mom for being the first Asheknazic woman to win the Altakaka Division of the 5k Marathon.......The Haradey Hippocrates who shower During the Nine days remind me of Vegetarians who eat fish and chicken and then preach to the choir........Tennis Extraordinaire QB chose to Honor G0d and pray even if it meant playing tennis in the dark, a tremendous handicap for him .It's written in the Good Book  1Samuel 2:30 " Those who honor g0d he shall honor"  The Eric Liddel of his time ( for those unfamiliar with him Watch Chariots of Fire)

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Tardiness ,


Is the common denominator in all my most recent dates. After a couple of emails and exchanges  of texts me and the just turned 40 year old Russian girl decided to meet up in bay ridge.  I found it odd that she would be late due to hair issues when her hair was super short, and after a long eleven minutes in the humidity we met up. She was congenial, silly, immature and fun. We sat in a the posture booth and I cringed when she detailed the colonoscopy procedure. As a former sportswoman we had great conversation and I conceited that the Russians were better than us in 88 ( John Thompson should have been  tried for treason for losing)  but we always had miracle on Ice . what did I learn ? That I shouldn't hang Spaghetti on her ears or in Russian Ne Veshai Mne Lapshu Na Ushe - basically means that you can't  pull over a fast one on her if you're trying to get laid. Of course this wasn't a reference to me but rather to the Younger guys that email her with compliments..No Church on Sunday..........

Thursday, July 4, 2013

g0D wantes me




 A Reader Submits Look a likes  Worlds most famous Auto body shop owner  Joey Buttacuco and cable Box Extraordinaire Mr Cohen...........


       to win the Haradey Raffle. What are the odds that Alouf would catch me walking into my building at 11:16  at night and Solicit funds for the raffle. He assured me Id win this time  as long as I don't use the Money for Evil causes that rhyme with Bermudas or Beed......Get Well Wishes for Shas Spiritual Leader Harav Ovaadia and Nelson Mandela  A noted Activists asked is their simultaneous illness maybe have something to do with their Support for Israeli adversary Yassar Arafat?....OUCH......spontaneously me and RE girl met up for drinks,( same lounge as israeli girl night before) She brought her friend thinking we may connect and then disappeared to hang out with her newly found gay friends.  I don't think i appealed to her senstivities about Michael Jackson Death, and my dirty shirt idea failed to impress thouigh she was real nice RE promised Shell hook up good lesbians for the next time....... 

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Uptight?


          Israelis are great, all I needed to know was Time and Place and in typical Israeli fashion ( my dad is like that ) I got every other tid bit of  Unnecessary information. Leaving my Number to An Israeli Girl that Emailed me online. spontaneously we decided to meet up after a couple texts sighting the why drag out the conversation argument. After hearing every thing else that was going on and she had to do we set up 700 in midtown. Upon request i send her a photo ( she saw my photos before)  and  Silence No Response. Being in the area, and not wanting to give her the satisfaction I decided to wait it out - Took a while but we eventually met up. Pretty + Blunt i admired her fortitude for starting in a new place and  the evening resembled more so of a cordial will make the best out of it night, which surprisingly was getting better. We mixed  Hebrew and English and our passion for Arabic profanity. She alluded that I never let myself go, that i am always in control of my situation and suggested i LIVE. I think she's right..Unclear about church on Sunday but won't chase.......

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

From Istanbul's Gezi park


 To Egypt's Tahrir Square protest fever Spilt over to Ocean parkway Gardens as Thousands converged to Protest the  "Blackhatization" of the greater Sephardic Community. Just Like the Muslim Brotherhood (MB) gradual take over in Egypt and Turkey (AK) The Black Hat Movement which was born in the mid 80s has gained massive steam.  Charity scams and The threats of not getting into Heaven has scared the bajesus out of  people and now the Sh#&it has really hit the fan. People are demanding Justice, to ride bikes on the Sabbath, Shower during the Nine days, YES all Cheese is Kosher, and for Women to pray with Shoals by the wall. Moderates have promised their will not be Civil War, But with Tensions running High Will this be know as the Summer of the Rain..........