Friday, November 2, 2018

"Don't Be to Sweet


                     lest you be eaten up; Don't be Bitter, lest you spewed out" is what the Jewish  Proverb States......Waiting at a Duane Reade Line, at the beginning of  the line rope, It was pretty clear that I was next. An Attractive woman walks up to the line with out even going through the rope and simply cuts me. " She walked in Beauty like the night", and the cashier gleefully smiled ,and began Scanning her purchases. The Cashier Knew She had cut me, But we both agreed that we neither of us had the balls to say anything #METOO.......... Coach DM mentioned to me the Biggest Threat to Basketball is the Golden State Warriors, After Watching his YDE team play it's home opener, I understood why. Let me just say Stephen Curry and Co. are an  anomaly. Nothing these guys can do on the court can be replicated. its like asking a Mute to sing at an Opera...... Preparations were made, prior to attending a Shabbat Dinner at one of my Betrothed Friends apartment.Just as I do prior to flying and going on long trips I ate accordingly during the day, to ensure no situations came up. Always Remember "Failure is Failure to prepare". Generally I feel VERY out of place at any Social Gatherings, but with the Modern Orthodox to yeshiva Crowd I just felt medium out of place.... Costumes Etiquette was the BJ TV theme for this year's Halloween parade. Unfortunately we had to change course, and thanks to DM Suggestion Mordechai the Jew filled in, Not sure what that will do for ratings, But like a contestant that fails to win any Money on Wheel of fortune, We had a really good time...............

Friday, October 26, 2018

" The people Vs

                Noah " Was a Biblical Story, brought into a Modern Day Trial in the Magnificent and Legendary  NYC sanctuary  Temple Emanu- El on 5th Ave. The Temple dubbed the Royals Royce of G0ds Houses, is home to the Who's who of Reform Jews, that include  Michael Bloomberg, Jeff Zuker, Ace Greenberg Etc. Roughly 2000  Spectators packed the Temple to serve as " Jurors" for the Dramatic trial, at over $50 Bones a head, That made for a lot of Cheese. The place reeked of Class,and one reader would have been in Heaven sitting amongst the mostly geriatric and opulent crowd. As we were ushered to our seats, we were handed Guilty, Non Guilty cards, and instructed to wait until all arguments were over before submitting our vote.  My Two favorite things to do at these  kind of events, initiating the clapping ovations, and trying to keep track of the levels and sounds of the Throat clearer's, Thankfully to the weather change, the crowd did not disappoint.....  In an Unfamiliar Role, noted Defense Attorney Alan Dershowitz Served as the Prosecutor Arguing that Noah was  Selfish and complacent in G0ds Genocidal plan to flood the Earth, as he failed to warn the world of the Tragedy that was going to bestow upon them. The Defense Chaired by Former Senator and Fellow Yale law School Alumni Joe Lieberman.Whom reminded us, the almost 2000 Jurors that the Prosecution needed prove their case beyond a Reasonable Doubt and that Noah is innocent until proven otherwise, arguing he was a Just man, and that G0d is not on trial here. Former W. Bush  Attorney general Michael Mukasey served as the Judge, and oversaw the Trial as if it were a real court room. With his court room grandeur, everyone agreed that  Dershowitz made a more compelling case, However Noah Was voted, Not Guilty by a 1299- 587 count. Walking out we were treated to " Rich peoples" Croissants and Danishes and told to stay tune for next Years Biblical Trial.   The People Vs Joseph's brother's or the more obscure case of the People V Pinhas, Which would be more suitable, except most people are Unaware of whom Pinhas was, let alone a whole Torah Portion, I know that from my Bar Mitzvah............

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Despite My

     Wife's objection, it was with great confidence and 99 percent accuracy that I can tell the severity of the Smell of my Farts. With out Explanation, I Just know.... Though it did take her a while to catch on, why I would suddenly disappear from at Supermarkets or lines..... Question of the Day .How Many Steps does a  Football coach take, Roaming the Sidelines During a game?......Seems like a slam dunk decision to Ban members of SJP( Students for Justice in Palestine) INN( if not now) JVP ( "Jewish" voice for peace) from entering Israel. These are genuine enemies of the State, Who serve as  Mercenaries for Hamas, Hezbollah and others calling for Israel's Destruction. It Sickens to hear Conservative like Brett Stephens justify their cause by saying its not Democratic. How does he know what these "innocent" People are up to, Can he say for sure they are not scouting potential Attacks, After all they glorify someone like Rasmea Odeah, and the Murderous Tamimi Clan.........Hosting has become a new source of anxiety for me. Roughly once a month, my wife likes to have “Shabbat at Melssias” . I am learning to deal with the social issues, however the Bathroom And Gas  issues have caused Ogeda. Excusing myself frequently to dump the garbage and recyclables has been a temporary solution but.....

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

I Am a

           believer in G0d, But is it blasphemous to not think G0d is great all the time, can it be that hes Medium Sometimes ?...... Someone I know, when speaking or posting, at completion always uses " BH, BH". Superstition. fear,  or does he really feel compelled to Thank G0d all the time....In BIGJELLY T.V. News, the tension between Yemen and Saudi Arabia, and some other  undisclosed reasons, made this Seasons Islamic Festival the slowest in Years.. the other hand the Annual Anti-Israel Rally turned wild, Shocking, Unfortunate, with complete chaos, in the back row of Chabad Shul of the Upper east Side ( 77 between 1 and York) the seats are like An ELAL plane 5 in a row 3 on one side 2 on the other all Squsihed. The Point is, that the Great Elegant Elliot Offen of Stern show fame comes barging in with two large shopping bags that was hitting the people in the aisle, races to the front where he greets the rabbi and starts singing the Allenyu prayer. Due to Sabbath and Holiday regulations no footage is available..........The 1982 Great Rome Synagogue attacked happened 36 years ago today Italian President Sergio Mattaeella   "I want to remember only one name: Stefano Taché, who was killed in the cowardly terrorist attack on the synagogue in Rome in October 1982. He was only two years old. He was our baby, an Italian baby"..... 

Saturday, September 22, 2018

” failuries are not,

   To be celebrated, only success” ...…." and you shall Rejoice in you're holiday" - What if the Holidays, make one Miserable, can they get a pass?. Their must be some sort of argument in the Talmud Regarding this Question.....Walking on Kings Higway, I passed by a Lulav and Esgrog ( lemon and Branch) stand, despite not being especially religious, I usually perform this mistva to some extent. The kid working the stand seemed eager to unload one of the Esrog. And alluded this was a “good one” not really caring I asked how much, and he replied $30. Not knowing how to put the Lulav together he solicited the help of the people from the Chabad stand. Upon finishing, he says to me $30. “I paid you man” I protested, where he said “no it’s 30 for the Lulav and 30 for the Esrog”. Losing my tempermanet, I chastitsed the young man, for taking advantage of people that “don’t know “, but I happened to know. Storming off I felt badly, perhaps this young man needed the money, and had to resort to pilferage. I did not get the set, and I did not get my money back, telling the kid to donate it to the Chabad stand right near him.....coming up the Islamic day parade and festival, and UN week, with a major anti- israel protest, called for Thursday by the neturi karta and satmar sects .....

Friday, September 21, 2018

The Prayer for SusTenancE


   is with out a doubt, probably one of the most important Prayers of the high Holiday Season. Here is what we need to know

1)   The prayer  states "please provide that way I can do the work of the lord" so its basically G0d provides and you become religious in exchange

2) Clearly it's unfair to the Patron who purchases the Honor  of Opening the Arc that others interlope on his space. A reader suggested a Bouncer be placed with a club Style Velvet Rope, With the Purchaser allowing admittance to stand by the coveted Arc

3) Once the Prayer is done, the Arc Should be closed. Some consider it an Embarrassment to the Torah to keep the Arc opened well after the prayer is completed

4) Every Season,more and More Ingenious ideas are implemented  in order to raise additional funds,I particularly enjoy the one where for a Fee the Rabbi would either have you're name in my mind or will read your name out loud by the Arc so the " goldmine in the sky" shall open up -  to Expand on this, perhaps we need a prayer package system, that can be inclusive to all congregants. A recommendation a Platinum, Gold, Silver, and Bronze package where for the more you pay, the more fervor and intensity will be added by the rabbi. This would work some wheres along the line of Car wash packages or even Seating's at an event, Why restrict it to the select elite general Admission, when you can sell out the Nose Bleeds in the as well

5) For the Dreamers, bring in you're Lotto tickets and have the Rabbi have them in mind, it does get tricky as not everyone can win, but it will enhance you're odds

6) Believe!

    We Respectfully Ask to please not Turn this into a Mockery...........


Monday, September 17, 2018

When Did Selichot

       Become so Commercial? There are Special Concerts, scores of Videos all over the net......... Would  The Binding of Isaac  Be considered Child Abuse today ?.......I  personally have decided to Cancel Sukkot this Year..... The media distorts information sometimes, Working the African American Day parade in Harlem, my Encounter with the revelers was nothing short of uplifting, I was welcomed by everyone and Everyone Saluted all members of Law enforcement, The Flag, and all dignitaries attending the festival. What the Media generally likes to portray is violent Groups like Antifa, and others who shout F the Police  etc.....  what is the Proper Time to " Grief " on Social Media, before posting a Happy post? The Tragic Terror attack that killed the " Lion of Judah" Ari Fuld showed many melancholy and grief stricken posts. whats the proper waiting time for those same Saddened posters before they can Share some happier Thoughts.....Thanks to DM, I officially have Surveillance at the BJ empire, unfortunately the "Plug keeps falling out', perhaps an investigation is in order........