Sunday, January 13, 2019

Does it make





          me a bad Person, When I don't rejoice in others Success, as a matter of fact not only do I Not  rejoice, but i am aghast, belligerent, makes my blood boil, that leads into a Foreign Language profanity laced Tirade when someone beats me to a parking spot........Signs of aging, While on the left coast I kept nudging my Be throed on How expensive Gasoline was........Uber is the way to go out there its significantly cheaper than NYC, the drivers seem eager to help, especially this one driver of " Turkish" Descent who wasn't aware of any of the Turkish references i made to him, Was telling us Which areas were the nicest, The cleanest, the Richest people live and Where they block off streets specifically for their holidays or whatever.  Studying computers, all his professors were also a certain way, and he was simply amazed by it. He Even had some of them as friends. Made for a really comfortable ride, Especially when my wife told him we were Jewish.................

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

A few Hours



 into 2019, is it over yet. Feels like that  Long  un air conditioned ride in a Brown Station Wagon  With a Few Miles Behined us  and Ten thousand More to go (JT).......... Some Observations about the Greater Los Angeles Area. Despite The Beaches and Warm Weather, people are just about as Fit as I am or some Shlub in the Midwest. Traffic is not Exactly NYC Traffic, but none the less pretty Bad, the Only Difference No One Honks! Through Thirteen Uber Rides over our Three Day Stay a total of 4 Honks Were registered. With all the Hype Given to Global warming and all, One would think that Recycling, Composting etc would be a top Priority for the Bright Red State!. To The Chagrin and outrage of my bethrothed, Even in the Upscale areas, Recycling is a Rarity and finding one of those Special Recycling Garbage Cans in the Streets is like Spotting Hasadeems at a Strip Club. As Good Guests to the city, We did our part in conserving Water, Even with the Extra Fifteen Minute Plus Showers, But Seems the Locals know how to beat the System, And on a final Note The Getty Museum is  not only highly Reccommened, For its Collections, Culture, Gardens and Views, but a really fun Tram Ride up to the Museum and Well made Peanut Butter and Jam Sandwiches, An LA Bargain at $5 a Pop.........






Wednesday, December 19, 2018

A Couple Weeks





             
    after Israel, and My Ears Still felt like My Touchis: Clogged!  At the insistence of my Betrothed, I decided to see the Dr, The ENT  That is an  not the latter. After getting the All clear, and wanting to rule out other things, He Suggested I go for a hearing Examination, Where i would be wearing these sound Proof Headphones in a booth and repeating  Words after the Middle Aged Heimeshe Style woman Proctor. Most  words were Antonyms and I did have to remind myself to Repeat and not Associate, for Example She would say Cold Then Hot then Wet then Will leave it at that...... A round of Congratulations are in order to a couple of acquaintances on the Engagements of their Sons. I was able to spend a combined  49 minutes 46:34 Seconds at both functions before Anxiety Set it.To Break it down one was 31:02:25 and the other 18:44:09 the Mrs was only able to attend one... My Father told me when People take Nuts, Candy or Olives from Open Areas in a supermarket, the Store's configure it into their Prices, and its not really Stealing. What he did not tell me was How Germ infested and dirty their hands are when they do it. So when Really craving Olives from the Pomegranate Olive Bar, the Patron  ahead of me, decided to  stick his hands and  taste which olives he wanted, with out making a decision at the end. Compelled, I inconspicuously  followed him up and down the aisles listening to him coughing, The Good news was that he was not covering his mouth, So Maybe it was really OK to get the Olives..............

Friday, December 7, 2018

The Consensus





           voted  my Father The MVP of this year's Israel trip. The Highlights, Hijacking the bus to go pray Afternoon services near the Judean Dessert, by the town of kfar Adumim.  It is Agreed that, that to G0d goes all the glory, even at the expense of the twenty five other passengers, included one that was almost attacked by a rabid dog who waited over Thirty minutes for the Bus to pick them up. Ironically this happened  right by the " Good Samaritan". No one believed the claim that yours truly wanted to pray.......  Unbeknownst to my father, For Angelo's it is a special to have a Bar Mitzvah procession marching to the Western Wall, under a canopy, with music and the blowing of the Ram's Horn. So when the Bus pulled up, My Father light like a Cheetah, running like a deer, to do the Lord's Work, ushered my nephew into manhood by racing to the wall to put on his phylacteries. The Horns were blowing, the Music playing, the family Celebrating, only one thing missing. A long Twenty Minutes later, the bar Mitzvah boy was found, and crisis averted..... Other Happenings, Refusing to change prayer times in the mornings to accomadate the late coming Shammies, The Spill he took during the Torah Reading on Saturday, and of course the Breakfast..... An Honorable Mention goes to my Other Nephew for Bombing the bus with methane and thinking no one Smelled it , and eating out the Snack bar on a nightly Basis, In case ones wondering Small pringles Cost $5.93..........






Friday, November 30, 2018

71 years

reprinted 
   years ago(11/29/47)  The United Nations voted to partition Palestine. The vote went  33 yeas 13 nos 10 abstentions- immediately The region plunged into war Arab league chairman Mr  Pasha  was quoted - "This will be a war of extermination and a momentous massacre which will be spoken of like the Mongolian massacres"- Despite insurmountable odds, in a modern day miracle The Israelis prevailed.  On this date The  Dead Sea Scrolls were found, and the oldest Torah in Aleppo Syria was Burned some 200 pages of were preserved........

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Part narcissistic,


  part Superstitious, perhaps part eccentric! When Turbulence Struck On Luftansa  Flight 405 from Frankfort to Newark, My Immediate thought was is this my " Jonah and the Whale " Moment. Forgetting to order the Kosher Meal, My Rational was What can  be So bad about the Vegetarian, After all, nothing was really forbidden to eat in the Indian Style Meal. To confirm my Transgression, G0d waited for the food to settle in my rotund stomach, Before unleashing heavy winds, causing the plane to shake somewhat violently. The paranoia Kicked in, similarly like when I go to make #2 and don't want people to know, but thinking they know. Were the other Passengers looking at me, knowing and ready to Toss me out of the Airbus, to make it stop?  After Several Long Moments the Turbulence Stopped. Taking this is a warning, I declined any further meals and snacks for the duration of the flight and accepted my punishment of a 123 Minute Cab Ride home from Newark. To those keep score at home the Fee $70 Plus Tolls.............The trip.......










Sunday, November 25, 2018

Sitting on


    A Airplane for an approx 210 minute flight from Munich to Lod, the only thing that came to mind was is this worse than the last Thursday’s NYC traffic.... After about 3 minutes of turbulence, the answer was pretty clear....I was  especially Gassy on the flight, but comforted by the special knowledge that my gas is not of the smelly kind, that is at least in my mind......The Uber ride I took from 79 and York to terminal B at Newark took 49 minutes, with the cost of $78.63-$15.00 for a first time customer, and perhaps a last..... The choice of Fish or Chicken on the flight, reminded me of Adult film star Lauren Phillips when asked if she preferred men or woman, seemingly stressed and pressed she shrugged her shoulders and said it was too difficult to choose, kind of like making the choice between the fish or chicken . I chose the Fish......It took less than 20 minutes to clear customers , and get my valise, and  another 30 minutes to wait for the communal cab to fill up at cost of 68 Nis roughy $19.53 the ride to Jerusalem was hardly a bargain. The passengers were annoyed by a heimeshe guy who made the bus his personal office, yentering it up and praising g0d, at almost every end of the sentences, Baruch HaShem ......