It always felt

  Unfair for me to determine weather I am a good person or not, But after tonight I think I have a better indication of that. Regurgitating an old Tinder Match, We decided to meet up for a quick drink in the Mil Basin Area. She mentioned prior, of being somewhat impaired,  due to a Stress related Stroke Suffered Ten years earlier. Not thinking much of it, The Minute she got into my car, that's all i can think about.  Her Speech was slurred and hoarse, and immediately I shifted gears from question asking, to a generalized soliloquy. Driving around looking for a place to have drinks, My amiability     completely belied my Thoughts, and all i really wanted to do is just go home, of which i kept asking myself  Why?  Why not compliment her more?, Why not make her feel better  Even to the point of   dis-ingeniousness. She smoked her Newport's, in the car on the ride home, it didn't really matter . She really put things in to perspective and I admired her fortitude. Driving home, I knew not only that i could've shown her a better time, But Should've, and didn't...... It depressed me to think, that now I can determine that No, i am not .....



 s.

Trying to Salvage

 The night, I took The advice of Sudan Brother, which is to  not give a damn I messaged Plan B to see if it  wasn't to late to meet up for drinks, as i would make the short ride across the Midtown Tunnel to Astoria. A Russian Debutante, her photos were really great and she was very cheerful, honest and outspoken . I love World politics but clearly wasn't that interested as to why Russia needed to Annex or occupy the Crimea. We sat at a really Extraordinaire Beer Lounge in Astoria, and  The Discussion Shifted towards the Cold War,She found my insight to world affairs Impressive, but clearly not that Impressive, and as the evening wind down, I was on my way to Glasnost and  Persetroika , but It's gonna take a hell of a long time to achieve. The Back end of the doubleheader, went a little better than the front , but I was still shut out with the results slightly less painful
  .

Doubleheader Disaster

             With the Pentecost Weekend Coming, the window of opportunity to meet up with a couple of girls was slowly closing.  Not wanting to drag out conversations further, I tentatively scheduled or didn't schedule Two Get together's and waiting to hear from the Young ladies to confirm. One confirmed and one regrettably my account locked out, so I couldnt  reach her. The Good news, The Bar at Loews Hotel on Park and 61st is a great Date venue, with an insane people view .The Not so, Where to begin....Walking in, She resembled her photos and looked younger that her mid 30's age,  she was waiting on the couch and motioned for me. She clearly was disinterested from the start and After exchanging particulars, I found myself filibustering,  Midas well have been reading the phone book, cause i don't even know what the hell i was saying, Except for maybe agreeing with her about our mutual disdain for the Zabars Eating Liberal Jews. The right play at this time was to motion for the check, and It's always awkward, when a date goes wry, so euthanasia is usually  best way to go, But to her credit i think she chose to suffer just as much as i did. Wishing her a Happy Pentecost, i bombed with " Why the Jews got the Torah" Joke, which only seemed right for this night. Perhaps a little rude, I didn't offer to drop her off home, as i lied telling her i parked a few blocks down the other way, Even though i was parked right in front.... The Date lasted around 75 minutes, But felt like being on the losing side of a 15-0 9 inning rain delay game..................






   

The Cave

 On McDonald ave is An Albanian Establishment, not to be confused with Russian. The Shapely Soviet Expat was explaining to me over Drinks and muscles. With out any real hope for a future, the Immediate future seemed more promising, through out our conversation, She had a keen sense to diagnose people with all sorts of mental illness's, and I again was glad to fool her that I am normal.   She did notice me sweating through out the night, but that was due to the lack of air conditioning. I was envious of her stalkers, as i never really had one, but definite not the gangster that was obsessed with her. The Description, made me especially leery that he was watching me. Pondering the immediate future over a second hand smoke, Their was no light at the end of the Short tunnel...... For the record i did not eat the muscles.........  Excited to use the new product Freshnu, which is a foam You Spray on the toilet paper in Lew of wipes, My luck of course left me constipated for the last two and half days..........My Hockey Knowledge is at a minimum, but would it be unfair to compare Ranger Rick Nash to ARoid ?

No News

 is not that bad. With out any prospects for dates in Two Weeks. Out of the blue a text from the Bodacious and shapely Soviet Expat. We exchanged some texts, Especially about me not being bipolar or Mentally Insane, and What the hell Let's go out again.............Har habayit Beyadenu - the Three most important words declared in Modern Jewish History. A Quick fun fact- a few Years prior the liberation of Jerusalem, Army Chaplain Shlomo Goren, in conversation with then at the time Golani Commander Mota Gur, Declared that he would be the first to Enter the Old City of Jerusalem. Gur replied that if he wanted his prophecy to come true, he then must follow Orders from Him, as he would be on the front lines to enter the old city. True to form they were both sitting on the outskirts of the city,  Gur with the Paratroopers now were waiting for orders to go in. Goren Pressed Gur and told him that " History and the Jewish people would never forgive him if he didn't enter the old city and liberate it" . A Native Jerusalemite , Gur finally got the call and then proclaimed to the world the Temple mount is in our hands...... Happy Jerusalem Day.........

Lately,

 I've been having conversations with Girls, Where it seems like its a really really good idea to get together, Until it seems like it's really really not. Understanding to How the game is played, I just know how to get Dumped or ditched. Not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, I just tune out of conversations and Keep postponing until the once promising idea, Becomes ephemeral, and the girl get's it, to my credit I get it right away when a girl is not interested........ Yesterday was a great day for all the great mothers out there. I truly Appreciate my mom, Especially for her bluntness and telling me I got Fat. The Monday following  is officially MotherF#&$ers day, dedicated to the Scumbags and dregs of Society, they too Deserve a day....... Attending a Satamr Hasdic Wedding was a  real sociological Experience, Attending it with Barafi the Ultra Shamie , and Indian Sam made it a Sociological Experience on Steroids. Barafi Downed a Bottle and half of wine, and insisted he could have downed another bottle easily, While Indian, whose every other word happens to be MothaF#c$a, didn't disappoint. The Ceremony is done outside, and the Bride whom was covered from head to toe and veiled walked around the Groom Seven times. She looked like a White Ninja, but was especially fit...

Getting back to me?

    Roughly a week after our conversation, The Bodacious and  Shapely Woman from the Old Soviet Block,  Decided to go with her gut and believe that I am not Bipolar and have a history of mental illness and retardation . Flattered by that notion, We got together at a very Empty Sheesphead bay Bar and restaurant. A little under the weather, It was a bad case of food Poisoning,  from what she deemed was a very non kosher Lobster, She was impressively Witty with some interesting Ideas. Clearly not a match for the Future, I don't believe she saw me as a match for the present. She had some Fascinating stories and observations and even complimented me on being well spoken and articulate, Really?  We went through the motions of the one and done dates, and that left me to ponder  That I am  not  good enough for hooking up ....... But maybe good enough for something more......What's next is the 30 day Dating disabled list........ "What if you knew her and found her dead on the ground"?... 45 years to Kent State. 05/04/70...

I can't really,

             answer what Drove me to go out to Queens last week,  Not because of lack of Transparency, But more so for What the hell is the matter with me?.  Perhaps not being of sound body or mind, but more so of a weak Personality that can not just  say No,  The Ride was hellish as it took me almost two hours,through traffic and of course the fender bender on the LIE. Not being able to park I asked the  very confident and Ultra curvaceous Older woman if she can meet me outside and we can go somewhere else. Ravenous and cranky due to my Diet, (that is not working), traffic and the fender bender. The good news is she really liked me, the bad news She really liked me. Not feeling it, of course i couldn't tell her, So i chose the Be a little evasive and hope things would fade. Things did get a little interesting during the course of conversations During the week  and was really appreciative at her flattering me. She correctly criticized me for not courting her, i Understood and Sent her What i felt was a fair text that I appreciated her and that I didn't feel we were great for each other. A little Spurious but True, I can write a blog of how many times girls told me that. Her reply, I felt was Speculative and harsh and chose to let her have the last word........