The Rabbi Got

 

 an Alliyah, And the Sergeant in Arms of the Temple gesticulated for all to rise. Sitting, he caught my attention and Motioned for me to rise. Playing dumb I Waved back in a greetingly manner, Which in turn caused him to Increase the intensity of his Wave, much to his disdain i returned the same Wave. Shooting me a look as if i farted up the Synagogue, he turned to focus on the Alliyah.....I did hold the door open for him at a later hour, and was Thanked, Peace was preserved......According to Some there are levels of reactions when commenting on How cute Something or Someone's Kid is The " STOP  IT STOP IT OMG" is  probably second in annoyance only to the  " I CAN'T BREATHE"  "Seriously, Seriously" to quote The great IBH  George floyd couldn't breathe, Not you looking at someone's BS Kid...

Laffy's

is a Neighborhood Shop that specializes in ME foods and Delicacies. As a frequent customer, I enjoy the friendly banter with the staff as well as the Selection of foods. It Was brought to my attention that allegedly Expiring dates have been Erased off Certain food and beverages, for example Cheese and Diet sprite. After a Thorough and serious fact finding mission, the allegation was proved to be True. Now the last thing, that is wanted is for Laffy's to get a Bum Rap, I will present you the reader with the Prodigious  Responsibility of letting me know how to handle the situation!  Choice A) Ignore the matter and never go back  B) Discreetly bring it up to Mr Laffy and let him address the matter C) confront the staff in a truculent manner.......... Prior to the bidding portion of the services, the organizer hands out a detailed pamphlet of what is available for purchase. Sheepishly I asked, Can I purchase something on Consignment, with the promise of payment Plus Juice, After all Gd does Reward those who give...... Another ingenious and revolutionary ploy to make Extra bucks for the Synagogue, is to sell One Way or round trip Tickets of carrying the Torah. Firstly to the Bima and the return trip back to the Arc.....

Is There an E

 

xpiration, on the Special prayer for finding a lost object ? The basic rule is " Lose or misplace an item  make a pledge in Honor of the Rabbi, Say a few lines, When the " Miracle" happens, You fulfil the pledge to charity". Frantically, I was searching for my Keys, at the Behest of a collogue, Whom had a miracle story of his own, I said the prayer, did  my diligence  in the scavenge with no results. One week later a customer, whom, I shipped some boxes to called me " Why did you ship us Keys"?......to Quote the Late great Jimi Jameson " The Search is over". I'm Still on the hook ........If an A/C repair van was double parked on a Small Park Slope  Street with one of his backdoors open, Obstructing Traffic. Would one Just wait, and assume the driver will be right there? I Honked on and off for about 15 Seconds ( too short to time) and nothing, slightly irritated or perhaps a little more, I Stepped out of my car to Shut his door, A Holler of HEY, roared out " Don't touch my van" ! calmly I Said. Relax man  I'm Just trying to get by. Slightly more aggressive this time he said " Don't touch my van". Not wanting to Escalate the Situation I backed off, and the Van Door remained Shut.....

Hearts and Minds

      Clearly no hearts and minds will be won over the latest clashes with Israel and the Palestinians. But I wish to Thank the Ultra Liberals Who have shown the light as to why the world Needs a Palestinian state instead of the State of Israel :

1) For being a bastion of human rights for all oppressed peoples in the region primarily the lgbtq people, as their very own founding father mr Arafat was a not so proud member

2) For the free and fair elections they hold every 4 years

3) For their virulent and congenital anti semitic sentiments

4) for their resilience in trying to  eliminate the jewish state, it was tried in 48 with mr pasha of the arab league promising massacres rivaling Mongolian times to Nassar in 67 rallying the umma to throw the Jews into the sea, to the October war of 73 which despite losing they covered the spread to hijackings, terror attacks, Intifadas, boycotts, and indiscriminate rocket or mosquito bites that happen to also send to shelter the 1.9 million arab Citizens of the state

5) for their leaders all finding ways of being extraordinarily wealthy, without a trace of corruption and theft, and Sharing the wealth with its people.

6) for the free and open press and right to criticize the government, without facing any backlash or threats whatsoever. It’s wonderful to see protestors on a weekly basis outside mr Abbas or mr sinwars residence 

7) That police departments across the US would not get their training from Israel and thus cease to oppress peoples of color

8) That the Russians who have never and would never ever disseminate any false information coined the ever popular phrase “settler colonial State" That is so widely used today.  On Behalf of who, Did these jews colonize the land?  I am only aware of the colonizers from Yemen Egypt Iraq etc Who were afforded the "Hobson choice".

9) for their refusal under no circumstances to even accept a jewish state on any parcel of land in the region and thus ensure that when lets say an Air france plane full of jews gets hijacked or a Jewish Center in Argentina Gets blown up, No one would come to the aid of these jews Thus Ensuring that " Never Again " does NOT mean " Never again"...

 

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

 

 is the Five Second Wait period to respond, When Speaking. Kudos to the distinguished Arsonist,  DM whom, Has shown me the light in proper Speech Etiquette..... The Times they are A Changing...Are You Fully? That was an old age Question that was raised, And Still relevant today when asking someone if they Are Fully Bar Mitzvah, the Same Question is asked, However Referencing if You are Fully Vaccinated and cleared the Two Week wait period..... Please Refer to Past Year's Passover Posts for the Bill of Rights, As we have received Severe Backlash for Reprinting Every Year......

Social Distancing

 

         There are Circles at stores, indicating where to stand, before reaching the Register. It troubled me terribly, to a point of  road rage proportions that a Medium to elderly Lady would Refuse to advance to the next Circle. Thinking,  what would my father do in this Situation. Should I creep up on  her with in an inch, look over her shoulder and utilize the fake Cough, it is Corona time after all. I gingerly Advanced slowly towards her circle, and was shaking Davening style with the hopes She'd advance. Only to be Rescued by another Draw Opening and the Magical words  "Next in Line" were called out.... Needing to clear my Storage, I offered $65 for the Maximum two hour Job, of going back and forth 3 Times Respectfully Declining the Young man Said, He wouldn't leave his house for less than $100. Annoyed at the Smugness' and Hubris, I was Rescued by a call, With a Friend with van of whom Wished to do me the " Favor ". It's presumed that this Favor will be quite Costly as he backed into the Gate Switch of the Storage Rendering it "out of Service". We all know the Moral of the Story.....  

SNOW ?

 

       The only Thing, I detest more than the Snow is How much People Say They Love the Snow. Getting Plowed in Sucks, But Getting Plowed in Twice Sucks Even more, took a combined 74 minutes to Shovel my self out..." Why didn't you park on the Left Side of the Street"? Living in NYC, Piss Off.......Mea Culpa, I was quite Profane to a Mini Driving Heimeshe Debutante, While waiting for her Machine to repaired, She was Blocking the drive way, and the only Suitable exit out of my spot. I Motioned for her to please move, with out a response, She DID see me, not wanting to exacerbate the situation, I tried to Drive my car through one of favorite things in life, the snow. After more shoveling, and some Help from IBH who raced over to take the wheel, and some Amazing grace, we made it out. Selfishly, I wanted to disturb this poor young Lady from either being deep in prayer or Reciting Psalms.......Allah Hu Akbar G0d is Great.............

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