Reprinted

          THE PASSOVER BILL OF RIGHTS 
  1. Poor Mans Bread Cost a $#it load of Money
  
  2. Elijah The Prophet Comes in through the Front door and not the Chimney He does NOT         bring presents

  3. In The Haggadah BEN ZOMA is a Scholar and not a Son of a Bitch 

  4. Everyone is aware the Romanian Lettuce has been Checked for Bugs, You do NOT need to  announce, when flying does the Pilot insist on Telling you That every Valise has been                 Checked for Bombs

 5. Macaroons are the officially sanctioned snack of this holiday 

 6. Double Dipping is not only Allowed But Encouraged,  

 7. Customary to Not Lace one's Shoes to Symbolize the Shackles our forefathers were              chained to in Egypt 

 8. The Stick that beat the dog that bit the cat that ate the cheese Story is completely bullcrap 

 9. The Jewish version of the NCAAs start on the second Night, Known as " The Omer"- The rules Single elimination, if you miss it you're out- You may still play at home..........

10. The commentators  say The real reason we eat matzoha is , while escaping from  Egypt G0d Wanted to constipate the Jewish people, that no one should have to go to the Bathroom and hold up the rest of the crowd  

Some more helpful Tips 
1) From a girl that gave me a hernia Schlepping her bags before a date - put Jelly Rings in the Freezer they taste delicious frozen 
2) if you plan on fornicating Yeast is Hametz 
3) If a girl Tells you she has a lot of weddings and party's to attend right after Passover- really means Take a Hike 

Well The Sign

  Says that Anyone, whom in the past 24 Hours was...... Pulled over by Highway Patrol at 1130 at night on Suspicion of DWI, only to breathe in instead of out while the Breathalyzer was being administered, Much to the Officers Dismay, I finally got it right and Passed with flying colors,no Summons issued......Completely oblivious, I backed into a waiting car of an Asian Physician, hearing the crackle of the cars, Sounded a lot worse than any Damage incurred, But a lot better than the Scolding and reprimand of the old Physician. Apologizing Profusely, and offering to pay for any damage, he angrily declined and continued Hysterically Telling me to learn how to drive......Safely Jaywalking across Ocean parkway, later that night, It never occurred to me that it was the bicycles I would need to worry about. Walking gingerly to cross from the Bike lane. " WATCH OUT"  As the speeding cyclist Plowed into me, Knocking me out. The only thing going through my mind was  The Hefty Insurance Deductible ( i think its $8900) I would have to meet, if anything was broken, By the Grace of my lord and savior except for some Pain to my Hip and elbow, I was Basically Fine. Besides some Damage to the Bike, the irritated  cyclist was OK. I Probably Should have offered to pay for some of the damages to the bike,but my head was elsewhere as i stumbled the remaining 100 Yards home...... Did Someone Pray bad for me, Maybe just plain ole Bad luck,  Perhaps I am Especially fortunate that a lot worse could of happened, and I should be Grateful to the Good Lord for Redeeming me...... Like the Great Al McGuire once Said " The Only mystery in life is Why the Kamikaze Pilots Wore Helmets"............

Jim Mckay

    quoting his dad said  "Our greatest hopes and our worst fears are seldom realized."  he of course was alluding to the Munich Massacre of the 11 Israeli Athletes. After five months in limbo,It never occurred to me that my greatest fears regarding the issue i had with the Non kosher Dog Shedding tools would be realized,from what i understand they are looking at Six Zeros....Congratulations to Horowitz Nation on the wedding of their son. In True Spirit of the great Henry Clay, I reached a compromise, of Ceremony and no meal, as i am not a good guest and feel grossly uncomfortable having someone spend the money on me. The wedding was brought into thousands of homes, by a special live stream broadcast by DM. IHO denied my request for credentials to cover the Simcha....040468 Anybody here seen my old friend Martin.....The Second Segment of the BJ Slow Pitch Softball Show Went live with Yeshiva coaching legend Jan Sandusky, Unfortunately the Executives needed to pull the show to due complications and disagreements with the coach, Hopefully by Mid April, it will go live again.......lines of Communications have reopened and there is potentially some developments, Win,lose or draw something will be resolved Sooner or perhaps Later......... 

Trying to Play

  the game, I made Some Small Conversation with a Divorcee +2  from South Jersey. Their were several Mutual Friends and her Photos were appealing. Scheduled for Thursday, I called out a legitimate Under the weather, and asked for a rain check of which she messaged back  a dismayed OK. Communication Broke down, and it looked like the 46 Mile Trek down the Parkway, would not be happening. Fate Said otherwise, and we were all set for  Monday Night 800 PM at a Red bank Establishment. Waze Failed me, as the Address I had punched in off the Site, took me to a Funeral Home, Perhaps a Bad omen! She had me pull over to a close by Inn named after Revolutionary war Hero Molly Pitcher, and had me follow her to the place, only to find it closed for some odd reason or another. Plan B Was a few blocks down the road. We Exchanged Particulars once again, and nothing was held back. She resembled her photos and did not seem disappointed by mine. We Spoke of her passion for Horses, Gambling, Sex, Relationships. Life and Ex's She thought me uptight and encouraged me to drink beyond my one and one eighth Beer Limit. She was Keen on corrupting me, and I welcomed the challenge to some extent. Continuing to break bread over Pizza and Cheese, She mockingly accused me of wolfing down the pizza ( she used a different term, but i forgot it) She had a good point, but the slices were small, and I demonstrated for her on the next slice that it can all be done in Three Mini Bites minus the crust. Midway through conversation a gentleman with his girlfriend approached me and asked "if anyone ever told you , That you look like Robin Williams" The Comedian? Never, I asked the girls weather it was good or bad, The reply That he's dead, did not do much for my confidence. Chapping her Lips on the way out, She mentioned that even her mother wouldn't share chap stick with her, Because sometimes she gets sores. The thought it my head was " I guess we wont be making out then ". We left off in a cordial manner, Both knowing our personalities, Likes, Proximity, and religion levels were not exactly a match. What have I learned?  That it costs roughly $1500 a month to Maintain a Horse, and of course about Revolutionary war heroine the great Molly Pitcher........

Sandinista, Contras,

  Ortega, El Presidenete and  Great Boxing  champion Alexis Arguello? What is Nicaragua. Feeling the Need to get my feet wet , I Decided to get together with An early 40's, Jewess from the Central American Nation. Neither Heads of mine, nor heart were into the encounter, as we exchanged conversation over Mediterranean Salads at a Sheepshead Lounge and cafe. It felt Especially odd, and somewhat Perfidious to be out with someone else. I kept shifting the conversation from Personal to Political, and harbored on Past tragedies that befell  Her Motherland. Feeling Edgy, Anxious and  Sweaty, I Excused myself to the Restroom, Despite not having to go, She Graciously reached for her wallet, when the check came, of which I politely declined. Walking  her to her car, I Thanked her for a nice evening and meekly suggested it maybe fun to get together again, she seemed surprised and affirmed the Statement, Though we both really knew we wont. When she texted me later on, I guess I was the only one............T O P  L E S S is approaching 100,000 views on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0uOLggb21M&t=297s..............

Obstruction?

        Wasting time on a silly Dating App, With some frivolous conversation,  about Kale going mainstream, or some Silly laws of Attraction, It's Hard for me to accept my Failures of my last relationship. There have been some set up suggestions, that have been ignored, I'm Guessing more Time.....As Predicted my $4622 Bill from Returning my Car, Did not turn out well. The Shop Which I will not Name,but Rhymes with Ren and Bino,  did agree to Refund the Money I paid out for them to do Nothing and return my car with out even cleaning out my personals. My only regret is not having the foresight of getting everything in writing..........A little known Fact, The Bangles Hit " Eternal Flame" Was inspired by a visit the a Synagogue. Referencing the Ner Tamid. Susanna Hoffs is Jewish....... 25  years to the passing of Menachem Begin,.....

Hillary

    Clinton, Carried NYC With around Seventy Percent of the Vote. Therefore. I find it odd that a good portion of woman,especially quite a few on the less attractive side  use the  disclaimer  "Swipe Left, if you voted for Trump"......... It's Been almost Two Months, and taking out someone seems Miles away, to quote a great coach "It's early, it's Still too early".......... A little know family Fact.When My Mother Send out My father on Feb, 21 1969 to pick up some groceries from a Jerusalem Supersol  for Shabbat, No one expected  that a Terrorist  named Rasmea Odeh , from the PFLP , to place two Bombs inside the Supermarket.  One went off  killing two and injuring Noine. The other was detonated. My Father got out unscathed, but much to mothers dismay, he did not have the groceries. Odeh, who is heralded as a Heroine from Radical groups such as Jewish Voice for Peace and Adalah, hopefully will be deported for lying on her immigration papers. Another Shameless Plug  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epefsCQ0BcI&t=397s  Starring Bobby The Yemeni Refugee