and you're S#&It

 

 Doesn't Stink, That is literally what happens after getting corona......One Month later and i Still have "Gas immunity" at home.... Do You count your Cash, after withdrawing money from the ATM?....Wheel of Fortune aires one hour earlier in Florida than New York. My betrothed was Astounded  to see that I was solving all the puzzles at an alarming rate, An Avid and excellent Wheel of Fortuner, She Generally out solves me by a 98-2 rate, like Heshy Katz always Says Even a broken clock is right Twice a day. I Equated it to having a 50 average and suddenly pulling 100's. Riddled with guilt, I had to confess To my  Betrothed That Rena Was the leak, Feeding me the puzzle Answers from Florida..... 

Cheers,

 

     Historical Documentaries, Sleep, and Anxiety highlighted the rest of the Week. Very Fortunate to be spoiled by my parents, Not so fortunate to sleep on a soft uneven Sofa Bed, But Rena's Grilled Cheese, Despite having Several Missing cheese spots  has been the Jerome Moiso of the Quarantine..... With all the Uncertainty, The Paranoia and Superstition  Still Persists, Am I safe to go outside? Am i contagious? Do I pose a risk to others?  I dare not Mimic the Virus, and am even more insistent that Trump got routed in this election for Belittling Corona and it's Effects primarily the psychological ones of having to be Seperated from Society for a period of Ten Days or more. Despite the claims That "it's Over" I will continue to be a Sheep and Dawn the Mask and Be as cautious as ever before....... 

First day in

   the Woods....... 12.28.2020  Not Showing any Major Symptoms, Besides Lethargy, aches and major anxiety. My Main concern was for my Wife and kid, and Wait to see  if More Symptoms start kicking in. . Settling into the Spare Bedroom of my Parents Domicile, Staring at the ceiling and Presuming the worse at every cough, Short breath or Ache, It gave me some comfort that my appetite subsided and that i can smell the methane Gas I was providing. The Cocktail Prescribed was Zithromax 500 mg, Zinc, Vitamin D, Vitamin C , Tylenol and Patience.  The news Spread Pretty Quickly and I must say it was heartwarming to get Texts and calls, Though one  Friend of Yemeni Descent, Was Quick to " Congratulate" me on sounding really Well and all But Proclaimed me "Healed", SuperStitious and Paranoid, I told him i had to go, and went on to Binge on the " Last Dance" documentary before calling it a night........ 

 

The Corona

 Timeline....... A colleague of whom i work in Very close proximity, delegated a text to me at 3:36 friday afternoon that he is not feeling well and has done a corona test. Indifferently alarmed, I began going over Strategy with my wife trying to cover all scenarios.  5:19 Saturday night I get the Text "Positive".  5:23 I convey the News to another colleague who works in the West wing of the 450 Square Office to let him know the status of his Fourth Brother.  Progressively Alarmed, Despite  Not displaying any Symptoms, I scrambled to Schedule a test 9:30 Sunday Morning, Followed by a rapid Test at 11:30 and yet another Test right after that at the Same Location.  Heading off to work I inform an associate picking up boxes of the situation and make sure he does NOT come in the office as i will leave the cases outside for him. Twenty Two Minutes after taking the rapid Test, The Doctor's office calls me that, I was Negative. My caution Dropped to Moderate as I headed home. Around 6:44 Sunday night I began feeling some Chills, And aches. My greatest Fears are going through my mind. Taking Two Tylenol Pm I Struggle to Fall Asleep, As I wait for the Benadryl to kick in. Waking up at 6:43 Monday morning, I still feeling achy and Take Tylenol, Where after about 30 Minutes I feel Well enough to Shower and Pray, I Isolate Myself from my Wife and kid and Anxiously Wait. There are Still no contingent plans as to What we will do, but the Call comes in at 9:57, Positive, at 10:00 Inform the "4th Brothers" Brother. We  Discussed the possible scenarios as to where it could have happened but I was glad he finally agreed with me " That My Body, my Choice" is not really a fair way to assess Ones Refusal to wear a mask. Having to cancel the Nanny, and without anyone besides my wife to watch the kid, I Strapped the N95 Powerful mask rolled down the windows and drove them to Brooklyn to get Tested. After Dropping them off, I Headed back to Isolation in a Private Room in my parents apartment in Brooklyn..... 

Put your

  Hand in the hand of the man, Since the Crisis began I have Shaken only TWO peoples hands. The First was the Great Sidney Arthur Rosenberg of the Sid and Bernie show at the "Corona virus hates the jews Rally" where I mentioned I was a big fan and Was sorry he never got to meet Lee Mazzili, He Said he had to go and Extended his Hand out. The Second was a Delivery guy from the Rolling Hills of Tennessee, After unloading Freight by me on an Early Rainy morning Sometime in October.  Instantly, After both Encounters, I immediately reached for the Purell, and Hoped..... Tip Season is Upon us, and I always agreed it was a nice gesture, But completely unnecessary. Why Should Someone Be Given Extra Cheese for doing Their Job? Unlike a Server, Or Livery Driver it's not something that is incorporated in their Salary. The Damage this Year will be be $1850 Personal and roughly $425 Business of which some can be counted as Hush Money.....The Humane Mouse Trap Count is Five over the past Three Days, That Includes Two in One Trap This morning. Just like released Terrorists I make them Sign a waiver Never to return, and release at the End of the Block to head out South towards Kings Highway........

A Vibrator,

 

  to be specific, a Trojan Vibrations Ultra Touch Fingertip massager, Was Snuck into my Bag of Groceries and food As I was closing up my office and heading home. Upon arriving home, the bag was placed on the bench where my Betrothed, usually unpacks it. After washing up, I was horrified to see my little daughter walking around with dental floss, and that Purple package. Usually giving the benefit of doubt it was clear who done it, perhaps as clear as a Yemenite "inadvertently" lifting a certain special Knife blade. The Next morning I arrived at a 5th Ave Brooklyn pharmacy to pick up a return. With appx 23 Minutes to kill prior to their opening at 800, I walked into the Walgreens down the block for some Scotch tape and Red bull (Sugar free of course). Walking in the alarm Buzzed, and I proceeded on my Trek to the Scotch Tape section. It did and didn't surprise me when the cashier gave me back .96 cents, while the customer ahead of me in the Exact same situation was given the Whole dollar back. Declining a bag, I headed to the door, Where Guess what, Confidently I walked back to the Cashier, emptying my pockets to show that Nothing was lifted, only to pull out no pun intended,  Sheepishly, I gave the " dog ate my Homework" Explanation and after expounding further, The smiling cashier and Manager gave me the vote of confidence of " No Judgements here" The Moral of the Story Always check your pockets.....For the first time since moving on "UP", I parked in the same exact street Spot for  Three Consecutive nights,  The Previous record Was Two, Done on Several Occasions......

 

Early Ballots,

 

 is a lot like Checking in you're Valises first, at the Airport ,They Get Processed First, But  Come out last at the Pick up Carousel.....At What Point is one declared a Hoarder, Perhaps at 40 Boxes of Lysol wipes, Currently I'm at 33...... Back in my Retail Days, nothing more i detested was that "Excuse me, Or the Fake extended Cough to get my Attention to get to the register right away. After Waiting to place an order at a local Pizzateria for roughly FOUR minutes, I continued waiting, where upon a Middle aged Heimeshere Lady Walked right up to the glass counter and had was promptly greeted with a " may a help you", She  never even motioned to the Clerk that I was there first, I walked out...... It brought me back to the time a debutante, Shamelessly plopped her items on the counter, Knowing ,  my stuff was there first and telling the clerk in an unsavory manner " I am double parked"........