The Island of

 

    Long was chosen as the venue for this year's  Harvest celebrations. Their will not be an attempt this year to become the Roger Bannister of passover and complete the Seder in under Four Minutes or in Seder Minutes Twenty four. Two years ago I clocked in  at 27 minutes 54 seconds, Had i not spilled the Ketchup I probably would've shaved around 30- 40 seconds of that time. I can't help thinking again and again, would G0d really mind, if i decided to sit this holiday out, After all the Final four is on and as history has it the last time an undefeated team played on Passover was the great 1991 UNLV  team who were matched up against DUKE. With Vegas in control, A highly controversial Offensive foul, Wiped out what was supposed to be a Three point play for Sr Guard Greg Anthony and sent him to the bench with his fifth foul. Duke went on to win the game.  My brothers and I all watched the Game on Tape that my grandfather put on for us, and  Right after Anderson Hunts Shot clanked of the rim, I walked to the VCR took the tape out and smashed it.... History will repeat itself 23 Years later and another Passover miracle will happen. Wisconsin will Ruin Kentucky's perfect Season, and the 1976 Indiana Hoosiers will remain the last undefeated team to win the National Championship...............

THE PASSOVER BILL OF RIGHTS

 The Passover Bill of Rights 

  1. Poor Mans Bread Cost a $#it load of Money
  
  2. Elijah The Prophet Comes in through the Front door and not the Chimney He does NOT         bring presents

 3. In The Haggadah BEN ZOMA is a Scholar and not a Son of a Bitch 

 4. Everyone is aware the Romanian Lettuce has been Checked for Bugs, You do NOT need to  announce, when flying does the Pilot insist on Telling you That every Valise has been                 Checked for Bombs

   5. Macaroons are the officially sanctioned snack of this holiday 

  6. Double Dipping is not only Allowed But Encouraged,  
  
  7. Customary to Not Lace one's Shoes to Symbolize the Shackles our forefathers were              chained to in Egypt 

8. The Stick that beat the dog that bit the cat that ate the cheese Story is completely bullcrap 

9. The Jewish version of the NCAAs start on the second Night, Known as " The Omer"- The rules Single elimination, if you miss it you're out- You may still play at home..........

10. The commentators  say The real reason we eat matzoha is , while escaping from  Egypt G0d Wanted to constipate the Jewish people, that no one should have to go to the Bathroom and hold up the rest of the crowd  

 Some more helpful Tips 
1) From a girl that gave me a hernia Schlepping her bags before a date - put Jelly Rings in the Freezer they taste delicious frozen 
2) if you plan on fornicating Yeast is Hametz 
3) If a girl Tells you she has a lot of weddings and party's to attend right after Passover- really means Take a Hike 
  

Tinderdestiny?

        

          Scheduled to meet up at the Stone Rose in Columbus Circle at 700, The Text comes " Hey can we make it 730"... "Hmm let me think about", I thought about it Ok. As is the case with most of my dates, She's crazy busy and running 10 to 15 minutes late.Under normal circumstances is not a lot of time, but when you're sitting alone at a lounge can seem like an eternity. Strolling in around Twenty minutes later, She was apologetic and mentioned she may need to take a couple of calls. Fun, Perky, Cute, and Bubbly. Her personality made her a lot more attractive. She compared Tinder to the N or R train, Where you just throw a bunch of random of people and see what you get. It Surprised me her longest relationship was Four Months, but that's"plenty of time to know weather its working or not".

 We went through family History, between her calls, and it turned out That her family and mine were very friendly growing up in the Machne Yehudah Section of Jerusalem from the 1940's  and have been in contact here also for a while, before losing track of each other. Not the Strangest thing that happened to her on Tinder, But a definite first, Probably a last as well.. Dropping her off home, I assuaged her fears about getting in a total strangers car, and it looked like a slam dunk to advance to the second round. We Exchanged some texts, mainly about our connection ,and she may have " overlooked" me asking her out again, and with that went away the dream of cutting down the nets, and a disappointing First Round Exit............ 

Jim Boehim,

             
         
                 Would be very proud to know His Zone has become the Official and Sanctioned Way of playing Defense in Jew Basketball. With Low tolerance to Traffic and Bad Basketball, I was very fortunate to get a heavy dose of both Driving out to LI to watch my Brothers 8th grade Haftr team play Flatbush in the Yeshiva finals. Literally Zoning out ( no pun intended) It was a Battle of the  Really Really Junk Defenses,. The Less Talented Haftr Team overcame a significant size advantage, and with a mix of Patience, going to the basket hard, and seldom turning over the ball, Were in control from Start to finish, and ran the Tables to a perfect 12-0 Season....... Eleven Years ago an Ex forced me to go out for Sushi om a Saturday night, causing me to miss  a classic and Epic St. Joes- OSU regional final. That Caused me to make the Second Serious Vow of my life, The first not to ever wear  white Gym socks with my Suit and the second to never miss a potentially great Regional final, Not unless of course i would be getting.....  unbeknown est to me , I was supposed to go to some lounge/ club and was responsible to be the ride for a couple of people. With people waiting for me, Hell would freeze over, Before i would miss end of the  KU- Irish Game. KU prevailed and I wind up spending the rest of my night  at a Fifth Ave club/ Lounge, listening to people excessively Whoooo, take way to many Selfies,  Dance like no one was watching, and being spat on by a half Yemenite girl, due to a bad case of  Hiccups. It left me  wondering were they really having a good time..........

Option C

   Was the Curvy " Jewess" from Riverdale. A Law Journalist, She had really and really  impressive Credentials. Animated , fun and really Way to Happy, she was Especially talented,  Appearing on an episode of American Greed, and currently Writing a Screen play. The conversation continued With a lot of " Yeaahhhh' and Definette's" and not those kind of "yeahhh", but for sure going well until She mentioned how the  Western Pa  Nuns "made her an offer, She couldn't refuse". Not to Join the covenant I hoped , but rather a Scholarship. In Israel their is a phrase the "Asimon Fell", Meaning pretty much "DUH".  I recommended her to still visit Israel, and she would really like to one of the Christian tours. "We should definite get together again".... both knowing what that really means.... . Out of Options,  after canceling on the Local Russian religious girl and the Buxom Czeque. I began Speaking to a girl online,not the good online, It was peculiar  how similar our backgrounds were, her father from a large Jerusalem family married an American from Far rockaway area, and moved to America. She was really pretty and and after a few lines exchanged Why not meet me up?........ 

Three "Roads Diverged

 in a wood and I, I took the one less Traveled by....... Are Options  always a good thing.? Knowing all to well that I could not juggle Three meetings with girls in one night, It became more apparent that I would be playing  " F- Marry- Kill" to determine what I should do. While That was going on in my mind , I couldn't help thinking, What a great world we live in, Where a guy like me can get Three count em Three Dates in one Night. Clearly is a mans world. The Convenient option was with the Russian young lady Who stood me up.  She's close by, Shes Attractive, and if things don't go well, It can end really early. The Logical option was the Endowed Czeque girl whom goes for the "tall. dark and handsome types. of course".  Not having any of those qualities, I replied at least "I'm Rich........ if i were living in Eritrea, leaving the last part out.  The last Option was the Jewess from Riverdale, Attractive  with curves , She was roughly my age, She loved Sports , and always wanted to visit Israel. Unsure of what to do and the heads and tails options not really available I chose too...... 

Matzah Practice

 Kicks in this week. Just want to acclimate myself to the dietary laws of the Holiday of Freedom......   Reprinted from the last Two Years  The Haforah of the Week " Machar Hachodesh" always reminds me of the great NBC Sports anchor Bruce Beck, who was so eager to cover the story of the Israeli windsurfer Gal Friedman winning  Israel's first ever  gold medal in Athens in 2004. Resorted to singing his Haftorah to the Israeli Authorities, to allow him into the Heavily secured Press area  to do an interview. " machar ha Chodesh"....http://www.jpost.com/Sports/Singing-for-Gal-Friedman........Something better did not come up for my Russian last minute cancelation date Wed Night, and she text me to  Reschedule, not very warm to the idea, but figuring why not See you Tuesday night... Unless of course something better comes up....Not sure if it was a narcissistic move or not, but Messaging an Apology to the girl I Ghosted on it Seemed like the right thing to do. I think she thought that it was, She didn't reply, I'm Glad to have had the final word at least......" The Rock, the Almighty, his work is perfect, for all his ways are Justice"?.........