Waiting on a very long

single File Line in the Sweltering heat at  the Bedford Central Church in Bedford-Stuyvesant, I was posed by the religious dilemma weather to walk by the Open Casket of my good friend and Legendary City Basketball coach Larry Major. Major only a few Days Earlier amid Serious allegations of conducting an affair with a Student, decided to end his Life by Shooting himself near the home of his sister's in Queens. I came to know Maje while running the Senior and regular guy leagues at the SCC where he used to Ref. His Officiating trademarks were the Pointing one way before shifting gears to point the other way and of course being the father of the Inadvertent Whistle. I impressed him with My Knowledge of Obscure Basketball Facts and players, and we became good friends. He'd Invite me everywhere and anytime we'd come across Big name coaches or Players He'd always go out of his way to introduce me as his good friend. We'd argue a lot about Georgetown and when I insisted his star players Jameel Watkins and Shamel Jones should go elsewhere he called me out on it when we met John Thompson the Imposing and intimidating coach of the Hoyas goading me to tell Coach Thompson - Shyly i answered "Grady Mateen. Milton Bell, Sam Jefferson, etc..." a slew of Big men who got lost in the shuffle there Thompson put his arm around and Said " you know i don't like no white People " and then Laughed about it. I sat behind the bench for the "Super six" the Sunday of the snowstorm of 95, Maje Earned Daily News "Dweeb of the Week" for shaving ADIDAS in his head ( they sponsored the tourney) when Robeson Beat Kevin Freeman and Tim Thomas's Patterson Catholic. my Red KC Chiefs Jacket got a lot of airtime on MSG network. Their were Family occasions, Practices, Making fun of the center guys and of course the Black Tail Magazines at Bodega on my corner. How can I Not walk by the Casket at pay tribute. The Church was overflowing with mourners, I sat near a extra heavy set woman who was one of the players mom's, she politely asked who i was and we had a couple of "Child Momma Knows Moments "exchanging  hugs through out the service. I can honestly say this was the last time I cried had i know i back then that " Tears are not an Emotion that should be shared and that you only share happy things" I probably still would've. A lot of his Ex players spoke of how he molded and mentored them, and the most emotional moment came when one of the mourners dropped by the casket with a Battle cry of ROBESON the place lit up and exploded seemed like the proper Send off....... Some days I miss My Friend..........


   

With Great Pleasure

 to  report no casualties from the Simhat Torah Holiday  Major Security was beefed up in and around the synagogues and a "Bellum Gero" was Achieved Between the Petitioners and the synagogues......Politically correct Hakafot The Books now read Great day for the Jews Sorrow days for their Haters used to be Ishmael....... Based on a limited Research  The dance time with the Torah per Person Averages around 11 seconds per Turn..... What do you think a Piece of the Berlin Wall Should Cost?.........In Case anyone is ever stuck with Islamic Terrorists Mohammad's mother's name was Amina and his father Abdulah....

" The Day Passed

   The Sacrifice is Nullified "- Birthdays as in  Sacrifices during Biblical times If Missed You can not OBSERVE them again. I Avoided Birthday Traffic by Upping The Date one Month to 08-25 The reason of course being to be like the Ancient Mooslamics who'm Change the month every year to Observe Ramadan. I could have gone the Hari Krishna route and put the date of Conception but figured that may be a lil personal . I was pleased to know that it passed with out much fanfare -SSCG ( spirit of second chance girl) sent me a text, and a couple of friends, But I must say It made me happy that an Ex Text ed me HB Gid.  No Cakes No Cards No Gifts No Worries Couldn't have asked for anything More, I have a whole Year to work on another Scam for next year #41...............

"Waste You're Money,

 You P#U$$y"  Very encouraging words from EEE before I go out to Queens to meet up with SSCG( Spirit of Second Chances Girl) I'm really inspired to score tonight Thanks EEE, but I do  have a feeling she's going to be a NO SHOW...... Waiting for her by Marsha's, i was engaged by a Jehovah's reading me some quotes from the Scriptures, Thank g0d she showed. We  headed to an Archie Bunker Style Saloon, with some live entertainment and  bad acoustics the Perfect Venue for a Nothing to talk about kind of Date. It was hard to mitigate our thoughts, non the less we persevered and spoke from Dating to exes to Uncle Cracker and Soup. I learned  All Girls that Are Skinny really really Love Soup, and That ranked a close second to Lettuce in her favorite food groups, We buried that Hatchet of the previous Misunderstanding, and spoke about getting together again I thanked her for a nice evening and Happy harvest. Church on Sunday ?...... Basketball is Back in NY-  well not exactly but I signed up to play with QB and his posse in leagues, Last time they signed me I got Waived before appearing in one Game.......

The Parade.....

   
     It is unclear weather more people watch Al Jazeera America or Attended the Annual Islamic Parade. With Queens bridge as the camera man ( he passed on the interview) . The parade Theme was Islamic Contributions.The Concept of  0, Suicide bombers and Subway ranked among est the most significant ones. Disguised as Journalists from the Marshal Islands , We got through roughly Thirty Minutes of Footage, with some really nice and friendly people.  Some Sample Questions  that we asked  for the Muslim  Day parade

 1) Are You Sunni, Shiite or Salami?
 2) Have you ever Farted in Someones face while bending down for Prayers?
 3) Who would win in a Royal Rumble  Jesus Mohamed or Moses?
 4) There was talk to relocate Three million Jews to NYC would you welcome this proposal?
 5) Where is the Gay Islamic Delegation?
 6) Does one need to become a Shaheed to receive the 72 virgins, and are they  fit?
 7) If I converted to Islam can Allah advance me a couple virgins and deduct them from me when i get to heaven?
8) Do you think will ever have an Islamic President in our life time oooops sorry wrong question?
9) Are People with bad foot odor exempt from removing their Shoes?
10) Jesus walked on Water Moses wrote the constitution who is the Main man the Mac-daddy the Big Cheese the Big Kahuna the Milk to the cornflakes in the Islamic?


 We knew whom to ask what as far as us making it out alive...........

Alkoa Presents

Reader DM Submits Lookalikes Shaari Zion regular Abbas who also doubles as jackie mason look a like's father and The Real Mahmood Abbas




   You Make the call? Spend the Harvest Weekend in Atlantic City with RRPG (really really pretty girl) or stay home and Wave a Tree + Plus some branches with a lemon for the next 3 Days?  If You Chose Choice B You are clearly a douche bag.........The Never ending battle Aka 100 years War on Food rages on this Harvest and with  my hair in a dire situation,  I have  showed some resolve by sitting out a Few Meals - Bald and fat = having to pay girls for sex  not a good thing........I finally closed Online dating for good Removing all photos and content Seinfeld would say Whats the deal with online dating do you have to wait on line to date or is it a date on the line heyyy........ A Russian girl from there has my number pretty doubtful she'll call, I actually hope she doesn't..........

The New year

brings in the spirit of Second chances. After Essentially  being ripped for not following up on a date with QG ( queens Girl) She writes " happy and health new year........was thinking in spirit of second chances,rather wondering if you want to start over?.......let me know....Q.... sure why not let's do it. The time 800 a week from Monday the venue Marsha's bakery ( its really Martha's but i like to annoy) is Their a Sukkah at the venue? Doubtful..........DM called me to tell me he's writing to the Daily News regarding Robin Quivers, " would be sick if Howard Read it on the air" Howard Read it on the air, with proper name pronunciation Amazing.........After being excoriated and maligned last year for attending the Islamic parade, i will be once again attending again both from a Journalistic and comedic perspective i know Munrster and Queensbridge are going to cancel on me I've written some good bits or at least i think their good..... Happy Birthday to Queensbridge........Bad Joke If Obama had a son he'd look just like Navy yard shooter Aaron Alex is...... Quick Stat The Hafortah for the book of Jonah Sold for $26k and the Shul of Rabbi Yosef In Har Nof and at the Moscow Shul  for $660K and at Rav Pinto's Shul One Million Big ones  our shul was only able to Muster up $101 by Smoking sensation Charlie..


 

" Never Have I Ever" ,

      

             was the main event during  my night out with a friend who brought along two other friends and a random guy. I was the elder statesman in a group of Three Thirty Year old Girls with Kids and a guy that was Ex Clubber HT roommate ( i never thought that name would resurface here again). We hung out JJN drinks style and anytime you ever did something that was suggested in Never have i ever - You take a shot - I drank a double to watching porn, Making #2 on a date and, kissing  Non Jewish Girls a double on that one also. I promised not to pester one of the girls  on a certain issue and we  shared a cab ride home. As she got dropped off I coughed Costanza style about her share ( of course i was joking) and good thing she didn't get it.  Rumor has it she thought i was "Awesome" but a very irreligious one, I'll take it........

The Syrians and Egyptians

    Covered the Spread in the Yom Kippur War, So i reckon they Can celebrate their "Victory".........20 years to Oslo and Mr " There are two things cant be made with out closing you're eyes, Love and Peace"- Shimon PHeres, Justification to the over 1500 Dead from the Peace " can you imagine how many more would have died had we not signed OSLO.......How the hell did Ali Mehemet Agca and The Turk that used to work for me get into my dream They were planning some sort of attack on the New WTC... Agca A Turkish national is famous for shooting Pope John Paul in 1981.....

REPOST......

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Where were you,

on Sept 11 2001?.  I was working in the showroom at 1407 Broadway Room 521. When the Salesman working with us told me a plane hit the WTC, Not thinking any thing of it i continued my work, thinking it was a small plane accident. An Ex of mine was working in the Same building, was freaked out  (she  actually saw the building come down from her 18th floor window)- We left the building and headed further uptown to a friends apt. A couple of Hours later We started walking back downtown towards the site, We couldn't get very close and were redirected by police towards the Brooklyn Bridge it was a little eerie to see debris covering cars and random papers all over, They gave us Masks for the Dust and we crossed the Brooklyn  bridge,I talked her out of going to Juniors for cheesecake, We took the train home from Dekalb Ave,The MTA let everyone go for free. Here is a great article  on Why Mayor Giuliani Rejected a 10 Million dollar Saudi Donation http://articles.cnn.com/2001-10-11/us/rec.giuliani.prince_1_saudi-prince-alwaleed-bin-israeli-withdrawal-criminal-attack?_s=PM:US.

Bridges to Nowhere ?

      Despite my advanced and Complex lines the "Rejections" are piling up -granted mainly from girls abroad, So let's just blame it on Language. However they are Opportunity's The Ethiopian girl with the Unique name emailed me I promised her a date, and if I weren't so freaking lazy I'd entertain it, Then a Persian girl writes me " I saw you, you live in Midwood " No clue how apparently we spoke last Year B.O. but never got together. looks like will be getting together... Breaking News "Busy Crazy, can we reschedule" ? Of course Fall 2014. An interesting Email from An Israeli Ex pat She writes "We were born in the same city Two months apart" What is Jerusalem? The highlight of our conversation. her Military Service was yup confidential. My backgammon Photo impressed a 40 something year old woman to challenge me to a game, the way i'm playing  stuck almost $200 to Cecil Double Sixes it's not looking good, and neither is our supposed date. I Tex-ted the Russian Nurse i was talking to, she replied "At party now talk to you tomorrow" - " cool have fun have great rest of night", innocent enough i guess not "good luck u garbage u age just like u. U are fu%&ing garbage like u. go see psychiatrist idiot U really need one "  Unsure of what I said I apologized for causing any hurt harm or injustice- But why The Shrink ?.........

Shhhhh

       
       With my upcoming trip to the 51st State, the Homeland of the Jewish people. I have once again decided to try to hit up as many Israeli Girls, the Success rate has been minimal but I have a question what the F is the big secret when i ask them what they did in the Army ? Is it not a good conversation piece? am i not allowed to ask? Their girls there is no shame even if they did secretarial work, but maybe they want to plead army ambiguity to make it seem like they did something really important  but gosh darn it i hate getting  that  " i don't want to talk about it " . Reminds me of my moms cousin  whom allegedly worked with the Shin Bet the Israeli FBI and has been retired over 15 years and every thing with him  is pardon my french "F$^(ign confidential" - I've been  resigned to the fact that he was just part of the Shin Bet Kitchen Staff......  Do people really want people to come over when they tell them "COME OVER" - when they run into them in the street........

A Trayvon Moment

   Roughly 3 months after "Shirt Day" June-5.  My sister in law called me to pick up some Short Sleeve shirts, She meticulously packed them up for me in a large black garbage. At around 11:00 Pm with a water and my large bag  i embarked on the 3+ journey back to my apartment. Never did it cross my mind that I was lugging around a large black garbage full of loot in a very affluent neighborhood. The Zimmerman security was eyeing me and i slowed down to let him know their was no contraband, profiled??......."Our greatest hopes and our worst fears are seldom realized." Our worst fears have been realized tonight. They have now said there were 11 hostages; two were killed in their rooms yesterday morning, nine were killed at the airport tonight. They're all gone.—McKay, 1972.-09-05-72 remembering The Munich massacre..............It's also been Six years to the Intrepid Israeli operation Orchard- an amazing story on the Destruction of the Syrian Arab Center the studies of Arid Zones and Dry lands AKA as their Nuclear Reactor  09-7-07.... No   apologies to all those whom i have caused any hurt, harm,  or injustice Just Statements of Regrets.......and No New years Resolutions only Solutions- Shimon Heres

 

All for G0D

    The Days of Shock and Awe are Upon us, and we hold out at nothing to feel the Lord's Pleasure. Men Killed and were Killed Sanctifying the Creators name, The Great Eric Liddel of Chariots of Fire fame Ran for the glory of G0d. The Good lord must smile down on those who double park, block driveways, hold up traffic, in order to pick up their needs for the Holidays or even better petition the lord in the synagogue all in his name, I wish the Police and meter maids would be more sympathetic. My absolute favorite;  is suppose you lend someone hmm lets say $600  , and he can't pay you back cause he has to have Meat at his Rosh Hashana table " you know how it is". as long as it's for G0d 100% acceptable.....My Jdate Scare tactics have not been very successful thus far. Suggesting to girls that they would have bad luck if they don't reply to my emails  would probably work out better if I were really rich or good looking. Of course no Levity is ever intended.......

THE RUSSIAN PROVERB,

states or a variation of it  " one who doesn't ring in the New Year celebrating won't be celebrating throughout the year"......To The Three People that read this L'SHANA TOVA (Rose Levine Style)... Weird but True I've met two girls from Jdate with the same Exact name ( first and last though one changed for marriage) one in Israel and one in America( RRPG) both Russian... My online aspirations are unclear, But i guess making new FB friends isn't the worst.... Speaking of RRPG I sent her a Rosh hashana Russian Card, maybe get her some Apples + Honey to live up to the Proverb Superstition........