Cursed be the one....

 and the nation Say's Amen........ For the fourth time in seven years, i was awarded the Aliyah or call up to the Torah for the "cursed" Aliyah, I'm sure my stats would be better, had I made it to shul all seven times. The irony is., that it' happened in four different places all over the world, Conspiracy ? .......The Old Joke, If you happen to drop  Something in Greece, Do NOT bend over and pick it up..... Some Greek fun facts:  Water is restricted to a maximum of .50 Euros per Small Bottle and somewheres of a 1 Euro for a large.... Challenging the Notion that 70 Percent of Greeks Harbor Anti- Semitic Sentiments, I experimented for Twenty six, minutes Walking around with out a yarmulke. The Results.......... Should you decide to visit the islands, perhaps Santori, Just Know that Flushing Toilet paper is Strictly Forbidden, though doubtful most Vacationers abide. I must Say it Stressed the hell out of me, and the fact that I tried not to go, made me go at an unusually much higher rate than i normally do, If it Matters, I flushed both wipes and Paper... Passing over the tabernacle, Jethro Tull would not mind if i Sit this one out...... BIGJELLY  T.V. is officially opened on Youtube, If you enjoy watching Paint Dry or staring at the walls, please consider Subscribing.........

Number2

 is like going to war. Now Before this starts this is a total parity and I would never disparage anyone who has served and been through War and conflict. Nothing Terrifies me more than Number2, Especially on foreign Soil. Enjoy or Vomit..........

 1) Unlike War You would always want to fight the fight on your own home Soil 

 2)  Before going The Situation must be assessed As to what kind of Conflict or number2  it will be, preparations must be made for a Constipated Style, Diarrhea, or any other style #2 

3) Try to Assess the terrain , You will be Should conflict arise, i.e Restaurants, Bars, Hotels, other people's homes 

4) The Splat hitting signifies the start of the conflict, and the initial courtesy flush is critical, it's the Air force coming in to deliver the first blow to clear up the Terrain

5)  The Toilet Paper is often compared to the Infantry coming in to wipe out the Enemy, and generally the most difficult part of the Operation 

6) The Wipes come in to complete clean up the area and make sure their are no skid marks and remnants  those are the special forces that clean up any last pockets of resistance 

6A) Utilizing an additonal  flush or Two to make sure everything went down ok, it's the Airforce combing the area dealing an additonal blow 

7) And finally the toilet paper again to do the final inspection and Patrol to make sure the whole area is clean 

A Good Guest

 According to my Definition is " One who Never Shows up, but always sends a gift"...... with the upcoming Nuptials in August. The Well thought out decision was made to Announce, rather than invite, Adapting the "Bris Protocol". That way, You can Choose to attend rather than feel Obliged. The Stress and Hassle that it takes to make an Event, Should Require a Choice, after all it is About the People and this is the" People's Wedding"....No Invitations will be send, As all Am Ysrael is invited....Gifts are NOT a requirement, or one can donate to a Charity of their Choice.. Give You're conscience............It is a little troubling as to why a small 6 oz can and a large 2 liter Soft drink bottle would Merit the same .5 cents  recycling redemption .............T O P  L E S S is approaching 500,000 views on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0uOLggb21M&t=297s.............. Another Shameless Plug...........

The Proposal!

 Cliff Notes Version:

         A Cheque shirt She hated, Bodega Flowers, and a dust riddled windbreaker are not exactly a formula for a Romantic Proposal at an Upscale Madison ave Hotel Restaurant. Suspicious but unsuspecting, we made some small talk on the short walk to the Establishment. Having been at the Mark Hotel Bar, before for a Meet and Greet Date, Of which the highlight was us exchanging Line for Line of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, I won of course. It didn't occur to me, that this night would be different from most nights, until looking at the prices of the Dinner menu. Despite not having concrete Plans, I was confident it can be pulled off, and once our Waitress Showed up to take our order, My confidence Soared.  She was Saucy, Fiery, Friendly, Playful, and had this certain spunk and Chutzpa That was engaging and Jollily. Watching us bicker, She Accused us of being this old Married Couple, Once WBG showed her empty hand, She plopped at me and asked " What the hell is the matter with you, Put a Ring on it",  My Smile Froze and I knew that the element of surprised was missed. The Night continued with us Drinking a little more than usual, and playing this Loaded Question and Answer game. Excusing herself, her tone Shifted from Playful to Disappointment as she was certain nothing was going to happen.  With her at the Ladies room, I was Hopeful for a long trip, My eyes were gazing for our Waitress, only she was no where to be found. When She Returned their was no Waitress and no Plan. Sweating a little, I made my way to the restroom only to sneak back the other way to finally meet up with our waitress. Astonished to see the ring, She seemed more excited than me, I handed her the customized  " Will you marry  me"  M+M's , of course we didn't have any meat so there would be no contraindications with G0d, except maybe that the place wasn't exactly Kosher. Exuding confidence, The Plan was in place. Returning back from the " Restroom", Our conversation got heated, With her Showering me with profanity at her Disappointment and Sadness with me. She blurted out " What the Hell did you order Champagne for"? I smiled and said i was in the mood, Seconds later with a crowd from the restaurant behind her, She showed up with the chocolate cake desert, the M+M's Spelling out the will you marry me, and of course the RING, Astounded and confused, She Paused, not realizing,, I don't think she even saw me, hunched over Asking for her hand, The crowd awaited her Answer................. it took a few long Seconds but she did Say Yes....... The Crowd went wild, and everyone was especially kind with the Well Wishes. The MVP of the night was with out a doubt our outstanding waitress of which we rewarded her somewhat Handsomely. Not exactly Movies material, but not too Shabby Either..........

Reprinted

          THE PASSOVER BILL OF RIGHTS 
  1. Poor Mans Bread Cost a $#it load of Money
  
  2. Elijah The Prophet Comes in through the Front door and not the Chimney He does NOT         bring presents

  3. In The Haggadah BEN ZOMA is a Scholar and not a Son of a Bitch 

  4. Everyone is aware the Romanian Lettuce has been Checked for Bugs, You do NOT need to  announce, when flying does the Pilot insist on Telling you That every Valise has been                 Checked for Bombs

 5. Macaroons are the officially sanctioned snack of this holiday 

 6. Double Dipping is not only Allowed But Encouraged,  

 7. Customary to Not Lace one's Shoes to Symbolize the Shackles our forefathers were              chained to in Egypt 

 8. The Stick that beat the dog that bit the cat that ate the cheese Story is completely bullcrap 

 9. The Jewish version of the NCAAs start on the second Night, Known as " The Omer"- The rules Single elimination, if you miss it you're out- You may still play at home..........

10. The commentators  say The real reason we eat matzoha is , while escaping from  Egypt G0d Wanted to constipate the Jewish people, that no one should have to go to the Bathroom and hold up the rest of the crowd  

Some more helpful Tips 
1) From a girl that gave me a hernia Schlepping her bags before a date - put Jelly Rings in the Freezer they taste delicious frozen 
2) if you plan on fornicating Yeast is Hametz 
3) If a girl Tells you she has a lot of weddings and party's to attend right after Passover- really means Take a Hike 

Well The Sign

  Says that Anyone, whom in the past 24 Hours was...... Pulled over by Highway Patrol at 1130 at night on Suspicion of DWI, only to breathe in instead of out while the Breathalyzer was being administered, Much to the Officers Dismay, I finally got it right and Passed with flying colors,no Summons issued......Completely oblivious, I backed into a waiting car of an Asian Physician, hearing the crackle of the cars, Sounded a lot worse than any Damage incurred, But a lot better than the Scolding and reprimand of the old Physician. Apologizing Profusely, and offering to pay for any damage, he angrily declined and continued Hysterically Telling me to learn how to drive......Safely Jaywalking across Ocean parkway, later that night, It never occurred to me that it was the bicycles I would need to worry about. Walking gingerly to cross from the Bike lane. " WATCH OUT"  As the speeding cyclist Plowed into me, Knocking me out. The only thing going through my mind was  The Hefty Insurance Deductible ( i think its $8900) I would have to meet, if anything was broken, By the Grace of my lord and savior except for some Pain to my Hip and elbow, I was Basically Fine. Besides some Damage to the Bike, the irritated  cyclist was OK. I Probably Should have offered to pay for some of the damages to the bike,but my head was elsewhere as i stumbled the remaining 100 Yards home...... Did Someone Pray bad for me, Maybe just plain ole Bad luck,  Perhaps I am Especially fortunate that a lot worse could of happened, and I should be Grateful to the Good Lord for Redeeming me...... Like the Great Al McGuire once Said " The Only mystery in life is Why the Kamikaze Pilots Wore Helmets"............

Jim Mckay

    quoting his dad said  "Our greatest hopes and our worst fears are seldom realized."  he of course was alluding to the Munich Massacre of the 11 Israeli Athletes. After five months in limbo,It never occurred to me that my greatest fears regarding the issue i had with the Non kosher Dog Shedding tools would be realized,from what i understand they are looking at Six Zeros....Congratulations to Horowitz Nation on the wedding of their son. In True Spirit of the great Henry Clay, I reached a compromise, of Ceremony and no meal, as i am not a good guest and feel grossly uncomfortable having someone spend the money on me. The wedding was brought into thousands of homes, by a special live stream broadcast by DM. IHO denied my request for credentials to cover the Simcha....040468 Anybody here seen my old friend Martin.....The Second Segment of the BJ Slow Pitch Softball Show Went live with Yeshiva coaching legend Jan Sandusky, Unfortunately the Executives needed to pull the show to due complications and disagreements with the coach, Hopefully by Mid April, it will go live again.......lines of Communications have reopened and there is potentially some developments, Win,lose or draw something will be resolved Sooner or perhaps Later......... 

Trying to Play

  the game, I made Some Small Conversation with a Divorcee +2  from South Jersey. Their were several Mutual Friends and her Photos were appealing. Scheduled for Thursday, I called out a legitimate Under the weather, and asked for a rain check of which she messaged back  a dismayed OK. Communication Broke down, and it looked like the 46 Mile Trek down the Parkway, would not be happening. Fate Said otherwise, and we were all set for  Monday Night 800 PM at a Red bank Establishment. Waze Failed me, as the Address I had punched in off the Site, took me to a Funeral Home, Perhaps a Bad omen! She had me pull over to a close by Inn named after Revolutionary war Hero Molly Pitcher, and had me follow her to the place, only to find it closed for some odd reason or another. Plan B Was a few blocks down the road. We Exchanged Particulars once again, and nothing was held back. She resembled her photos and did not seem disappointed by mine. We Spoke of her passion for Horses, Gambling, Sex, Relationships. Life and Ex's She thought me uptight and encouraged me to drink beyond my one and one eighth Beer Limit. She was Keen on corrupting me, and I welcomed the challenge to some extent. Continuing to break bread over Pizza and Cheese, She mockingly accused me of wolfing down the pizza ( she used a different term, but i forgot it) She had a good point, but the slices were small, and I demonstrated for her on the next slice that it can all be done in Three Mini Bites minus the crust. Midway through conversation a gentleman with his girlfriend approached me and asked "if anyone ever told you , That you look like Robin Williams" The Comedian? Never, I asked the girls weather it was good or bad, The reply That he's dead, did not do much for my confidence. Chapping her Lips on the way out, She mentioned that even her mother wouldn't share chap stick with her, Because sometimes she gets sores. The thought it my head was " I guess we wont be making out then ". We left off in a cordial manner, Both knowing our personalities, Likes, Proximity, and religion levels were not exactly a match. What have I learned?  That it costs roughly $1500 a month to Maintain a Horse, and of course about Revolutionary war heroine the great Molly Pitcher........

Sandinista, Contras,

  Ortega, El Presidenete and  Great Boxing  champion Alexis Arguello? What is Nicaragua. Feeling the Need to get my feet wet , I Decided to get together with An early 40's, Jewess from the Central American Nation. Neither Heads of mine, nor heart were into the encounter, as we exchanged conversation over Mediterranean Salads at a Sheepshead Lounge and cafe. It felt Especially odd, and somewhat Perfidious to be out with someone else. I kept shifting the conversation from Personal to Political, and harbored on Past tragedies that befell  Her Motherland. Feeling Edgy, Anxious and  Sweaty, I Excused myself to the Restroom, Despite not having to go, She Graciously reached for her wallet, when the check came, of which I politely declined. Walking  her to her car, I Thanked her for a nice evening and meekly suggested it maybe fun to get together again, she seemed surprised and affirmed the Statement, Though we both really knew we wont. When she texted me later on, I guess I was the only one............T O P  L E S S is approaching 100,000 views on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0uOLggb21M&t=297s..............

Obstruction?

        Wasting time on a silly Dating App, With some frivolous conversation,  about Kale going mainstream, or some Silly laws of Attraction, It's Hard for me to accept my Failures of my last relationship. There have been some set up suggestions, that have been ignored, I'm Guessing more Time.....As Predicted my $4622 Bill from Returning my Car, Did not turn out well. The Shop Which I will not Name,but Rhymes with Ren and Bino,  did agree to Refund the Money I paid out for them to do Nothing and return my car with out even cleaning out my personals. My only regret is not having the foresight of getting everything in writing..........A little known Fact, The Bangles Hit " Eternal Flame" Was inspired by a visit the a Synagogue. Referencing the Ner Tamid. Susanna Hoffs is Jewish....... 25  years to the passing of Menachem Begin,.....

Hillary

    Clinton, Carried NYC With around Seventy Percent of the Vote. Therefore. I find it odd that a good portion of woman,especially quite a few on the less attractive side  use the  disclaimer  "Swipe Left, if you voted for Trump"......... It's Been almost Two Months, and taking out someone seems Miles away, to quote a great coach "It's early, it's Still too early".......... A little know family Fact.When My Mother Send out My father on Feb, 21 1969 to pick up some groceries from a Jerusalem Supersol  for Shabbat, No one expected  that a Terrorist  named Rasmea Odeh , from the PFLP , to place two Bombs inside the Supermarket.  One went off  killing two and injuring Noine. The other was detonated. My Father got out unscathed, but much to mothers dismay, he did not have the groceries. Odeh, who is heralded as a Heroine from Radical groups such as Jewish Voice for Peace and Adalah, hopefully will be deported for lying on her immigration papers. Another Shameless Plug  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epefsCQ0BcI&t=397s  Starring Bobby The Yemeni Refugee

It's Been

  Forty two days, Since I went out and did anything Socially, The Streak was broken to attend the great JJN engagement party, I was Arguing the pros and cons of going early as opposed to going late, my Ashkenaz genes prevailed. It was really good to see JJN and his future betrothed, and I wish for them the absolutely Best. Talking to a friend, We were approached by someone he knew, and Goaded to get some Tob Shelf Liquor, figuring  the easiest way to rid myself of him I, Politely declined, stating, I've been off the sauce for Seven Years. The Flood gates opened, Impressively I was able to navigate my way through his prying and interrogation with more and more spectacular lies, The cost was spending a good chunk of my Fifty Seven Minute Stay, Engaging it.......... " I think of the Sight of Natan Sharansky, Still in the dominion of KGB Captors Zigzagging, his way across the Tarmac after they ordered him to walk a straight line" Ronald Reagan  02-11-86 

The Experts

   Were devastated after what transpired During Superbowl 51, as described by one " Tragic,it was worse for me, than for Gloria Steinem After Hillary lost.......Here is My Take on ME conflict. To the Arabs the Whole ME represents a suit, with a tiny little Stain on it, and no matter how Tiny the Stain is, or no matter how much they will try to shrink the stain, it will always be there.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItuHjip163o&t=16s  another Trump Rally..... Maybe more time will heal all wounds?....Congratulations to one of the all time great People the Rubin's on becoming first time Grandparents WoW.....  A Special Segment of the " Truck Stop" , a not so in depth interview with Hall of Fame Coach Morris Dweck , will be featured Soon............

The "Apple" analogy

            . If you have 100 apples and One was poisonous, would you take a chance and eat any of those Apples? this is essentially the question the Trump administration is asking!........ "The Day The Music Died"  02.03.59...... It's been Exactly one Year, Since the passing of UA, He is sorely missed.......The Thought of going on the dating scene has been revolting. It felt Both Good and Bad to get Some closure, with the finality not necessarily being the Finality......Congratulations to the Great JJN on his Engagement, he is one of the all time good guys........Thanks to DM for letting me, sort of do Play by Play at the YDE- Rambam Game. It Never occured to me how out of touch I am with the way the Game........ The Experts are picking Atlanta +3 and Under 59 for this upcoming Superbowl, I have 0.0 intrest in the game.........

Trump,

  has been adamant and bellicose about America making unfavorable Trade deals. I can't even Imagine how many Unfavorable Treaties, and deals I am involved in, Only to be fair that's in my humble opinion........ Almost Thirty Days, and It's been especially weird,  even entertaining the thought of getting on the dating scene.......  We've attended Three protests This past week, and it's getting more and more difficult getting people to talk on camera. perhaps the Marshall Island rouse is up, or the fact that they maybe challenged with questions that don't adhere to their views. It was a little concerning at a CAIR( council of American Islamic Relations) Endorsed  rally  That now one found their Support for Hamas and Hezbollah a problem... Another Plug https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItuHjip163o&t=18s

I am The Father

  McKenzie, of Street Films. Despite the very low numbers. and the Mediocre interest, We are still have a good time, Documenting History, granted it's pretty screwed up History. Someone compared to getting blown out every game, but still having fun, and happy to be there. Their is so much content in the world today,So if one expects their work to be viewed, IT BETTER BE GOOD......Once again "the More I Know, the less I understand", Maybe a higher power Can help...... Watching a Documentary on George Shultz, I never realized, How great of a Person he was, and the great role he played on behalf of Soviet Jewry. I just hope I am not Jinxing him here by writing about him.........

Should I have CORN

  Flakes Or Rice Krispies for Breakfast Today? How great would that be, if that was my first worry Every morning, Unfortunately, I would still have to worry about the fact that milk, would make me Have to go......"A New King has risen, however this time he did Know Joseph".....  Covering two Protest's against Trump this week, I have never seen or heard such Melancholy, Despair, and Hyperbole. Seeing some of these people, One would think the world has come to end. I asked someone if he thought the Middle East would Implode, if the Embassy is Moved to Jerusalem, His reply it already Imploded, and he was from the Socialist Union.....If one makes a donation to a local charity or cause, Do you think it should take over a Month to cash the check? Makes one wonder How badly do they need the Cheese?......

The Rally,

                Much like the Paris Peace Confrence did not live up to it's hype. The Conference came out with a Generic Final Statement Draft and the Rally for us was a short Five minute Video tying to agitate the Neturi Karta.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECeIr_gcV64. Roger Jamala and my Cameraman Dave Miraj have been Blacklisted in the Hasadic sect due in part to our " Black Lives matter Protest" coverage  you can watch here  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BD68OUVEbYg   and Here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twh690MmscE&t=5s....Two Weeks and the Failures and Disappointments are still there, help maybe on it's way....Perhaps not for the most Altruistic reasons, but non the less the in the spirit of kinship, I will be passing up on my potential Invite to a Function, knowing that the party involved maybe limited on Invitations,,,,,,,," I have a Dream", Thanks to The Weird History FB Page, I learned that  MLK was Stabbed with a steel letter opener, and almost died in a 1958 Book Signing in Harlem. The perpetrator Izola Curry  (no relation to Del or Stephen) Suffered from  schizophrenia.....Still Scoring at Home the Tally is at 19, But I'm running out of Gas No pun intended.........

An Israeli

   Sneezes and Arab Catches a cold, The world is Aghast, Resolutions and condemnations start rolling in, and on wards and on wards..... The Anti French Peace Conference rally, garnered approximately half of Block enthusiastic protesters in front of the French Mission to the UN.  A  Recognition of the good, goes out to the Crowd that included Students, Business People, and the elderly. What I did NOT like, Some of the signs that were held up Spewing President Obama as anti Israeli Muslim, and a lot of the Rhetoric and Vitriol of some of the speakers, That was trying to fuel up the crowd, Though Americas Rabbi Shmuely was on Point and Spoke Eloquently......  The Reality is: The UN consists of 57 members of the OIC (organisation of Islamic), The Continent of Africa, Other rogue States around the world and an ever growing Hostile Western Europe. Basically it's a Numbers Game,and Despite Mr Netanyahou Assertion that the world is turning, The Math will always turn out right.....On January 15th, Seventy Two nations will Vote to impose the Auschwitz Borders on Israel. The Best case scenario, They'll succeed and they wont be able to push a resolution before the 20th..... The Worst..............

Still

           Going Dark it's been , Noine Days and  not getting any easier. Their is a "Shame on the UN"event tomorrow that must be covered, After my Debacle at the DNC This summer, I will be Proffesional Moron and hopefully get good coverage.......When I paid $950 to fix  my car, at the end of the lease,  I was told by the Mechanic that would cover all expenses. Therefore I wasn't surprised to receive a  bill for $4642.44, This is not going to end up well....Speaking of Money, Since 05/13/2016 , I spend $1814.37 On Chachkis Sports memorabilia, Some Notable Items A Sense John Kreese  ot the Cobra Kai Autographed photo, Artis Gilmore Signed Kentucky Colonels Jersey, and a whole bunch of other crap..... Banking Regulations ? How is it that TD bank opened their doors at 8:26 4 minutes before the 8:30 Open time, But Citi Bank wouldn't open their doors till a minute after Noine for their 9:00 open time........The Tally is up to Thirteen 1.18 times per day...........Another  Plug My Speech at the Anti Trump rally Post Election  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYcqFoh_Wr0

Will President

        Obama in the Lame duck Session of his Presidency Finally Pardon OJ? After all it's not like he Killed Somebody..........Sharing links to Some BJ Tv's Videos .https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_qx5JuoZUs&t=23s..........Jews around the world, Can write to to the Email Address kotel@onemail.bezeq.com, Twice per week these Emails are printed out and taken to the " Occupied" Wailing Wall in Jerusalem.... Benjamin Netanyahou, is being investigated Yet again, This time for accepting Gifts, Such as suits and Cigars, It's a step up from the Previous corruption Charges of his Wife collecting State issued  Bottles and cans and pocketing the recycling Money. As well As the Netanuahou's wasting State water by using the #2 Flusher for #1 Purposes............Speaking of #2  the Tally is at Noine for the year, Not sure I'll Be able to keep that up "............. and even though it all went wrong. I'll Stand before the Lord of Song.........."

We Don't Need

   Any More Resolutions, Only Solutions, Was a Phrase the late Shimon P(H)eres often Used. The Inveterate Schemer Served in practically every position imagined in the Israeli Govt, and was Awarded a Nobel peace Prize, The Joke in Israel, of course was for Making peace with Rabin, Rather than  Yasser Arafag .............. No matter how much Territory is diced up, How may Settlements Removed, The Arabs will NEVER,  concede to the Term Jewish State, or give up what they Deem is the " Right of Return". Case closed........An Idea Dawned on me, as I was sitting on a Train Bound to nowhere, Looking over  at an Older looking Asian Woman flossing her teeth. Why not make  ......................................... With so many new Innovations, I'm sure something like this can be useful to Someone.........My count is Five Thus far............