The Waiting time,

 

 From When the Lights Flash, to when the Drawbridge Closes and the barriers Open, Under the BQE is  Seven Minutes, twenty Five. Sixty Seconds, The Waiting time While Sitting in the car with your parents during the wait..........Walking to my car on a brisk and Rainy Morning, I Got that funny feeling, Looking back I saw the Squishy Splat and immediately headed to the curb to step in the first puddle. Knowing it was coming, I praised the Almighty for the retribution at laughing at the rabbi, Not as painful as it could have been...A double edge sword, when a douchebag loves and roots for the same sports team you love. If they win the DB is happy, and they lose you are Not........Annoyed, at an annoying post, from an annoying person, Showing him giddly heading to his Seat at the Ranger game, as his wife was narrating the post, lead to a moment of  Weakness, with me rooting especially hard for them to lose, Despite not having any skin in the game. To my delight, they Lost, though I did feel bad rooting against family and good friends, but definitely not bad enough 

Shopping at

 

   an Upscale Jewish Supermarket, On a Thursday afternoon, The First Two Signs That I don't really fit in is the Mask and the Yarmulka. In a light Hearted exchange with one of the Counter clerks, I Impressed him with whatever Yiddish I knew, So when he asked me where my " Kappal" or head covering was I pointed at the Mask, Gleefully He replied the Yarmulka Offers a lot more protection.,... Take that Foochi.!! The long lines inspired me to use the self check out. Scanning my items, I noticed one of the Heimeseh  Stores Workers, Coincidentally  " Straightening" out the shelf right near me, Continuing Scanning I Squinted  at every Scan to "make Sure" I won't be accused of any funny Business. In an amazing twist of Fate the Shelf looked perfect, just as my Receipt came out of the Machine.... Heading out, I called one of the employees to check my bags, but they Shrugged at said it was OK," Are you Sure"?.............

White People,

 

    Can be very Scary, Especially During these times. The Garbage shoot is roughly 12 Steps from my Apartment door, impetuously ,negligently, but innocuously I did NOT put on a 3 ply Cloth mask to take out the paper and the trash. Luck Had that I ran into a Middle aged Woman of white color, who shot me a look as if  I put it in the wrong hole, First reaction was to check my Pants, perhaps I popped wood, or even worse,  She Snarked " Please be mindful of others" and turned away, I apologized profusely for my transgression, and put the matter to rest.......When Things are going crappy, Do we Thank Gd that they aren't crappier?.......On the Banks  of the Potomac, There we sat and lamented the Loss of our democracy.........If I forget 01/06.....                                       

  

The Rabbi Stepped

 

    in it and I'm gonna get it......Practically, Every morning, A member of the Carnivora Order Deposits a Deuce on the Side of my work Driveway. Being Victimized and witnessing others, Forced me to learn the lay out of the land the hard way. Arriving for an Early Morning Pick up, and in a rush, The Rabbi Was Aggressive in loading up his car, forging ahead I saw the Solid pile all Squished, Checking my feet i was grateful, Observing the Rabbis Feet as he continued to load up his van, My Sympathetic Sentiments were quickly overridden with a huge grin and occasional burst of laughter. Knowing well aware that Karma is a B#I@TCH, In True "Police" Fashion,"Every step i take" it hasn't come,,,But like the Moshiach Even if have doubts, I Know that eventually I will Step in it... Stepping up in line at the supermarket, The Cashier Seemed Preoccupied on her Phone, My thoughts Ranged from, Being like the annoying white people  and Elucidate a mature voice sounding "EXCUSE ME", to throating clearing as my father does when he wants to pressure the cantor to Restart the Service. Choosing the road less traveled i began Shaking in a Davening Style manner and just like that that the Scanning began. Figuring I am onto Something i stopped by Laffy's for a quick Bite. Finding myself behind an Accented Woman, She was grilling the cashier on just about every product in her Basket. I moved to the other end of the counter, and proceeded to Daven while waiting for the Store clerk to open up the other register, however he was quite busy Straightening out the Shelfs, and continued ignoring me... Exasperated at the situation, I Just walked Away.....

The Rabbi Got

 

 an Alliyah, And the Sergeant in Arms of the Temple gesticulated for all to rise. Sitting, he caught my attention and Motioned for me to rise. Playing dumb I Waved back in a greetingly manner, Which in turn caused him to Increase the intensity of his Wave, much to his disdain i returned the same Wave. Shooting me a look as if i farted up the Synagogue, he turned to focus on the Alliyah.....I did hold the door open for him at a later hour, and was Thanked, Peace was preserved......According to Some there are levels of reactions when commenting on How cute Something or Someone's Kid is The " STOP  IT STOP IT OMG" is  probably second in annoyance only to the  " I CAN'T BREATHE"  "Seriously, Seriously" to quote The great IBH  George floyd couldn't breathe, Not you looking at someone's BS Kid...

Laffy's

is a Neighborhood Shop that specializes in ME foods and Delicacies. As a frequent customer, I enjoy the friendly banter with the staff as well as the Selection of foods. It Was brought to my attention that allegedly Expiring dates have been Erased off Certain food and beverages, for example Cheese and Diet sprite. After a Thorough and serious fact finding mission, the allegation was proved to be True. Now the last thing, that is wanted is for Laffy's to get a Bum Rap, I will present you the reader with the Prodigious  Responsibility of letting me know how to handle the situation!  Choice A) Ignore the matter and never go back  B) Discreetly bring it up to Mr Laffy and let him address the matter C) confront the staff in a truculent manner.......... Prior to the bidding portion of the services, the organizer hands out a detailed pamphlet of what is available for purchase. Sheepishly I asked, Can I purchase something on Consignment, with the promise of payment Plus Juice, After all Gd does Reward those who give...... Another ingenious and revolutionary ploy to make Extra bucks for the Synagogue, is to sell One Way or round trip Tickets of carrying the Torah. Firstly to the Bima and the return trip back to the Arc.....

Is There an E

 

xpiration, on the Special prayer for finding a lost object ? The basic rule is " Lose or misplace an item  make a pledge in Honor of the Rabbi, Say a few lines, When the " Miracle" happens, You fulfil the pledge to charity". Frantically, I was searching for my Keys, at the Behest of a collogue, Whom had a miracle story of his own, I said the prayer, did  my diligence  in the scavenge with no results. One week later a customer, whom, I shipped some boxes to called me " Why did you ship us Keys"?......to Quote the Late great Jimi Jameson " The Search is over". I'm Still on the hook ........If an A/C repair van was double parked on a Small Park Slope  Street with one of his backdoors open, Obstructing Traffic. Would one Just wait, and assume the driver will be right there? I Honked on and off for about 15 Seconds ( too short to time) and nothing, slightly irritated or perhaps a little more, I Stepped out of my car to Shut his door, A Holler of HEY, roared out " Don't touch my van" ! calmly I Said. Relax man  I'm Just trying to get by. Slightly more aggressive this time he said " Don't touch my van". Not wanting to Escalate the Situation I backed off, and the Van Door remained Shut.....